I Woke Up On The Longest Night of the Year

"So, Stars, hide your fires. These here are my desires, and I will give them up to you this time around. And so, I'll be found with my stake stuck in this ground, marking the territory of this newly impassioned soul. Hide your fires." -- Mumford and Sons

After a number of months of complete lack of energy or motivation, I've suddenly come alive again. The structure of my life is still not quite ideal, but there's suddenly a swirl of activity and energy.

Since last I wrote: I got my master's, I wrote a novel, I dyed my hair red, and I figured out a few things I want out of life (including, but not limited to what I want in a man.)

Much to report, much to do. Ah, so much to do. :-)

Am I really back this time? Out of another cocoon? Butterfly time again? I hope so!

Horoscope for Week of May 26, 2011

According to the Guinness Book of World Records, the longest love letter in history was written by an Indian man named Harish Kondakkuli. The gushing 143-page message took him over three months to complete. Oddly, it was addressed to an imaginary woman, since there was no one in his life he was actually in love with. I encourage you to consider the possibility of exceeding his achievement in the coming weeks, Libra. You're at the peak of your ability to express wickedly delicious passions and profoundly tender intentions. There may even be a real person, not an imaginary one, who warrants your extravagant outflow.

(www.freewillastrology.com)

Hunger Hurts

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.

Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so you must know pain.

And could you but keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;

And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.

--from The Prophet, by Khalil Gibran

There's an old woman who lives next door to me. When the weather is nice, like it was today, she sits on her front porch and listens to music on headphones. And she sings along. I have no idea what she might be listening to, because what she sings bears no resemblance to any music I have ever heard. Sometimes is very soft, so quiet you think you're imagining it. Other times, like today, her voice is almost operatic in it's power. Truthfully, she sounds more like she's chanting, some Native American curing ritual, something of power. I call her the Shaman or the Medicine Woman.

Everything in my life has just broken open. I'm not sure how else to describe it. Last week, everything changed. I could explain it, could write down the details, the things that happened that split open my chest. But it wouldn't explain anything. Just details. The meaning lies elsewhere.

This sums it up:

There are two tragedies in life.

One is to lose your heart's desire.

The other is to gain it.

--George Bernard Shaw

Look as Long as You Can at the Friend You Love

Sometimes the best map will not guide you

You can't see what's around the bend.

Sometimes the road leads through dark places.

Sometimes the darkness is your friend.

--Jimmy Buffet

I've turned again to other people's poetry to express what I feel. Or rather, poetry has snuck back into my blood somehow. Or is it just this brand of sorrow (mixed with ecstasy), of confusion (mixed with clarity), of fear (mixed with a medicine beyond hope) that twists the world into poetry?

I don't know.

Look as long as you can at the friend you love,

No matter whether that friend is moving away from you

Or coming back to you.

--Rumi

Spring Thaw

Spring hasn't arrived yet. Not officially, anyway. Don't tell the sun, though, I don't think he realizes he's supposed to still be covered in clouds. Don't tell the flowers either, I'm pretty sure they don't know they're up early. My little summer spirit is waking up too.

Here's what's new in the life of this Sun Creature.

On the business side: my thesis is still under construction. However, it's in its final days, I believe. If I keep up my current pace, I'll be done in less than two weeks! Things are heating up. :-)

In more fun news: I've learned how to fly. I started taking static trapeze lessons about 6 weeks ago. :-p It's the most terrifying thing I could have chosen to do. It's not flying trapeze, so I don't really fly through the air. But it's still off the ground, and very scary.

I decided to start taking trapeze lessons, of all things, because it's so very much opposite from what my body wants to do. I've always done very earthy dances; belly dance, swing dance, etc. that connect me to the ground, and push my energy into the earth. Trapeze is all up. And it's all arm energy, not leg energy. I don't really have arm strength. Never have.

The first three weeks were terrible. I wasn't good at it at all, and it was frustrating. Extremely frustrating. Especially since the easiest move (hanging upside down by your knees) was the hardest and most scary for me. But, I chose it because it was hard, so I had to stick with it. And I did. Now, I'm doing pretty well. :-) Still probably the worst student, but having fun. I have a performance on the 1st of April. :-)

I've also gotten into Hot Yoga. I've heard about it quite a bit, but never knew what it was. Thought it was probably some sort of yoga-aerobics fusion. But no, it's the best thing ever. Yoga in a 90º (32C) room. (Or, as an Indian friend has pointed out, just normal yoga in India.)

So, all in all, even though it's not yet spring, I feel like I've woken up from my winter slumber. Warmth and life and light are flowing back in to my frozen limbs. Maybe I'll be able to write again. :-)