Bike Paths

Today the walls of my room began to close in on me.  It was beautiful outside.  I too was beautiful, but sadly inside.  Something had to change!  :-D

So I jumped on my bike and started pedaling.  I had no plan aside from being outside at first.  And then I was hit with the desire to go to the beach.  Katwijk.  According to Keith, it's only about 30 min from here by bike.  So I set off, with a vague memory of Robert's GPS as my guide.

Apparently, I went the wrong way.  Well, not so much the incorrect way, as the longest possible way.  I mean, actually I went in the exact opposite way, and then went around in the longest way possible.  It would have gotten me there eventually, I suppose.  :-D

I never actually made it to the beach, but I had a great time biking around.  I suppose all in all I biked about 6 miles (10km) today!  I then came home and did some yoga. Go go athletic Amy!  

My ride was amazing though.  This country is just so beautiful.  I passed a field filled with cows, horses, and chickens, a huge canal reflecting the sky back at itself.  Huge and green and gorgeous land.  

I want to imprint this country on my heart.  I feel it's important because it is just so unlike its current landscape.  When I think of beautiful lands, my heart brings forth palm trees and shining blue water.  And sometimes the deep orange glow of the desert.  This place just seems so calm, so serene.  I understand now why Dutch painters are so famous.  There is something special about this land that I know I take with me when I go.

I Will Sail My Vessel, 'Til the River Runs Dry

"You can dream a little dream or you can live a little dream.  I'd rather live it! Cause dreamers always chase and never get it."  

"Look, I've never had a dream in my life, because a dream is what you wanna do, but still haven't pursued.  I knew what I wanted and did it 'til it was done.  So I've been the dream that I wanted to be since day one!"  --No Regrets, by Aesop Rock

No one ever tells you what to do once you've caught up with your dreams.  I've always been the dream I wanted to be.  I too, knew what I wanted and did it till it was done.  And now it's done.  

Ah, but dreams do change.  Maybe I'm thinking about it all wrong.  What do I mean by my dream?  Something has ended, something is over, but was it really the dream?  I no longer want, or need to focus on the past.  But is that the end of the dream?  Was that ever the dream to begin with?

"You know a dream is like a river, ever changing as it flows.  And a dreamer's just a vessel that must follow where it goes. Trying to learn from what's behind you and never knowing what's in store makes each day a constant battle just to stay between the shores."  --The River, by Garth Brooks

My thoughts are changing even as I write!  What do I mean by dream?  Maybe the details need to be reformed, reorganized, restated.

My dream is to be a happy, healthy, helpful person.  I want to do something useful with my life, something that will benefit others.  I dream of seeing faraway places, and being at home wherever I go.  I want to see the beauty in everything, and bring in as much extra beauty as I can muster.  I look forward to a world where people have at least what's necessary to survive, and understand that we're all connected.

"And I will sail my vessel, 'til the river runs dry.  Like a bird upon the wind, these waters are my sky.  I'll never reach my destination if I never try.  So I will sail my vessel, 'til the river runs dry."

Linguistics

I am good at languages.  It's a talent I possess, a natural ability that I've always had.  Words and grammatical structures just fall naturally, easily into place in my mind.  I often say things not because I actively know the grammar is correct, but because I just feel they're right.  I'm particularly good at accents.  Many Germans tell me I sound German, and I even had a man in Italy assume I was from his hometown after speaking to him!  I don't even speak Italian!  I can succeed at languages without trying.  After one semester of Arabic, I jumped into a class where everyone had taken at least 3 years of Arabic!  And though of course I couldn't speak as well as they could, I was able to read and understand the teacher just as well, and sometimes even better!  And I never did the work!

What an opportunity I passed up!  Had I put forth any effort, I could have been amazing with Arabic!  There were just other things that I thought were somehow more important.  Not anymore.  I've decided to focus all of my God-given ability with language on actually learning, and not just absorbing.  I've gotten lazy, and it's starting to work against me.  

I've forgotten much of my German.  Vocabulary is just gone, and I find myself struggling with simple sentences and constructs.  It is like a small part of me has somehow been diminished.  I have always spoken German, and I've always been good at it.  But I let it slide.  This has been very frustrating to me, but I'm letting that go.  I have always had so much pride wrapped up in my German (because I was always the best in my class, always quite the oddity: an American who could speak perfect German.)  But the time for pride is gone.  It's just getting in my way now.  I'm letting it go.  I'll make mistakes, and that's ok, because I'll learn from them.  I am surrounded by wonderful Germans who don't judge me for my mistakes.  What is there to hold me back?!

I am also going to dedicate myself to learning Spanish.  I've been meaning to all my life.  For me it is a matter of culture.  I grew up in a region that has a lot of Mexican immigrants.  There are entire streets in my hometown where all of the signs are written in Spanish.  I heard Spanish nearly every day while growing up, in the stores, at school, on tv.  It's so much a part of my life, and though I can understand bits and pieces, I can't speak very much.  

I want to use my powers for good!  I'd like to look into programs to help immigrants learn the native language of their new home.  I don't just want to help Mexicans learn English.  I'd like to maybe help Americans learn German, or Spanish. And I can teach English all over the world!  I've given some thought to being an interpreter, maybe at a hospital.  I don't know.

I consider this my first major step in learning how to fly on my own. (see post entitled Against the Wind)  I'm feeling somewhat trapped in my current choice of masters.  Ancient history has served its purpose for me, or so I feel.  But it's too late now to change course.  So I intend to make the best of this time.  I'm going to focus on ancient linguistics, so I can focus on modern linguistics later.  I'm also going to try to take Spanish here.  

It sounds like a lot.  It is a lot.  I'll be learning Dutch, Spanish, ancient Egyptian, and Coptic all at the same time. But I'm willing.

Stopping the Spread of the Poison

Another intense dream last night.  I dreamt that I fell asleep, and when I woke up I was covered in reptiles.  There were chameleons in my sleeves, and lots of tiny lizards and snakes everywhere.  I laughed, because I knew they wouldn't hurt me, and they were cute.  So I gently set them all on the ground, so I could carefully stand up without hurting any of them.  However, I didn't notice that there was a viper under my left foot, and I stepped on him, crushing him.  His fangs dug deep into my foot, and I could feel the burning of the poison.  I couldn't get him out of my foot, so I stumbled outside and called an ambulance.  I sat down in the grass and waited, afraid they wouldn't come on time, all the while feeling the fiery poison climbing my legs.  Just when I thought I would die, the ambulance arrived.  A woman took my foot in her hands and very gently removed the dead viper.  I woke up, my foot still burning from the poison.

Phew.  Please, have some symbolism.  I'm not entirely sure what the dream means, but I imagine there must be something that is bothering me, something I didn't see coming.  If I'm not careful, it'll kill me, but I feel helpless to handle the situation myself.  I need help.  And, fortunately, I'm getting it!  :-)  Again, I woke up feeling good, so this must be a cleansing dream.

Today Susanne, Melanie, and I went to the library to look around.  Susanne checked out a bunch of children's books, and a few Dutch movies.  We're going to have a movie night on Thursday!  :-)  There's one I'm particularly interested in seeing.  I don't remember the name, but the premise is basically about changing the way we see the world.  Not our world view, our literal, visual way of seeing the world.  Leuk!  I'll post more about it when I've seen it!

After a quick shopping session (tomato-pesto goat cheese fondue for dinner tonight!) I laid a blanket in the sun and finished up The Audacity of Hope.  And that, if nothing else, is what I took from this book:  hope.

"And perhaps the world's fate depends not just on the events of its battlefields; perhaps it depends just as much on the work we do in those quiet places that require a helping hand." (Obama, 2006, 322) 

It doesn't matter if I can't understand the complexities of world economics well enough to save the world's poor; it doesn't matter if I can't memorize every precedent to every law.  The "quiet places" may just be the ones for me!  :-D

After finishing the book I just laid in the sun and stared up at the dancing leaves of a tree.  I tried to let the sound of the wind wash over me like water.  I've been in a state of panic since moving to the Netherlands.  Panic over where to live, and how to become legal; panic over relationships, the old and the new (and especially the old made new) panic over the past and the ever uncertain future.  Today I tried to just sink into it all.  I stared at the leaves and tried to live in the present.  I managed a few moments of silence, and an unclenching of fists.  Stopping the spread of the poison.  The leaves all seemed to wave at me.

Lolpod:  A boy on the street cut a slot out of his hat for his mohawk! 

Lolpod-mania

I bought an umbrella today.  Also an emergency poncho.  I've become too used to the beautiful weather, and I'm afraid another rainy morning would have sent me straight back to bed.  :-)

Today has been filled with Lolpods.  So, I'm just going to post them. :-)

First of all, I passed a very large man on the street.  Not fat, just big.  A muscle-y, dude-ly, macho type.  He was holding a teeeeny tiiiiny black puppy.  And, to top it off, they were both making the exact same, I'm-too-cool-for-you face!  :-D

Standing by the canal I watched a boat filled with happy people laughing and talking and drinking wine.  On the back was another teeeeeny tiiiiiiny puppy, a chiuaua, who was observing the world like a king surveying his domain.  I was just so shocked to see the dog, because he was so small, he was almost invisible at first, I just had to laugh out loud!

Later on I climbed the Burcht again (my favorite reading spot) to do my work and read more in my book.  As I sat there reading, I noticed a boy, maybe 10 years old, slowly coming up the path.  The paths that lead to the Burcht are spiraled, and there's another path that circles the building.  I was sitting on the circular path, and the boy was making his way up the spiral path.  Suddenly, I realized the boy was on a freakin unicycle!  I watched him cycle up to the circular path, and watched him cycle right by me.  I thought "That was certainly strange."  I go back to my book.  And his sister uni-cycles past....  The two of them continue to lap me on their unicycles as I read.  Surreal.

My favorite lolpod was the flower guy.  I was walking past a flower market, and admiring the flowers.  They were gorgeous today.  Particularly.  All of the roses were this gorgeous dusky orange, or this vivid shining pink, and there were sunflowers everywhere. Gorgeous.  So, I'm walking along, checking out the flowers, not paying attention, when all of a sudden there's a completely random man in front of me yelling at me in Dutch.  "Aren't the flowers beautiful?  Just look at how beautiful they are today, miss! Such beauty!"  He wasn't trying to sell them to me, he was just a passer-by!  I quickly mumbled my "Ja, heel mooi" (yes, very beautiful) and smiled at the man, and laughed as I continued on my way.

Crazy Dreams and Ocean Water

I had this intensely awesome dream last night.  I was a member of the crew of Serenity and we were on a planet that had been ravaged by something strange.  It was unclear in the dream if it was humans, something similar to humans, or something completely unlike humans.  The more I think about it, I guess it was probably the Reavers, the horrifying and brutal sort-of humans from the show. We were on a planet looking for survivors.  Zoe and I are on a four wheeler, leading the group up a dusty hill, when suddenly a whole group of survivors comes bursting from the trees, also on four wheelers.  They're screaming and running and we can tell the Reavers are just behind them.  We turn around and follow them for a while, but for some reason I make a left turn.  We enter into a ravine that turns out to be lined with Reavers.  A trap!  Fortunately, we all have guns, and we break through.  At the end of the ravine is a house.  We go inside to find a bunch of people lying dead in their beds.  There are also a lot of children.  I walk into a dark room and turn on the light.  A little girl opens her eyes and gets out of bed.  I'm amazed to see her alive.  As I take her to the others I pass another room with 5 children, also alive.  When Zoe sees the girl she gets very sad.  She tells me that the children have all been exposed to something horrible, maybe a deadly virus, and that they will all die a horrible death.  She says the only way to help them is to shoot them all.  I don't want to.  I beg her to find a way to help them, but she says there is no other way.  I don't want the children to know, so I ask Zoe if I should "just give them the medicine" and she nods.  I walk back into the room with the children, and shoot them all.  There is no blood, no screaming.  One by one they simply disappear.

I actually woke up feeling pretty good about this dream, so I don't think it is to be taken literally.  I think these children represent some aspect of myself or my environment that I know I must get rid of, but am hesitant to.  I know now that action is the best!  

The dream was certainly the most exciting bit of my day.  I mostly sat around and read, and wrote various mini-baby-essays on things like "Should Dialects be Taught in Schools" in Dutch.  I also read more of my book.  

Then Vanessa and I went to the beach to play.  We were looking for some sort of Corona sponsored Wake Boarding Extravaganza, but it apparently doesn't exist.  The internet can lie, too.  Didn't matter, we had a great time.  Also the BEST DINNER EVER of goat cheese, pesto and tomato sauce and bread.  I could probably eat that every night!  Sigh, so tasty.

I am thrilled to live so close to the ocean.  There is just something so cleansing about the smell of salt.  My soul must be mostly made of water, because the feel of the waves and the roll of the sea just bring about calmness.  Any water has that effect on me, but the ocean magnifies it.  There's just nothing quite like warm sand and sunlight on water to soothe and enliven my soul.

Lolpod:  I was walking behind a beautiful woman along the boardwalk.  Long black hair, tiny waist, full round hips, creamy caramel skin.  A man walking in the opposite direction almost ran over 4 or 5 people because he could not stop staring at this woman.  He walked with his head turned, never slowing down, until she was lost in the crowd.

I'm Sorry

There's one sad truth in life I've found
While journeying east and west -
The only folks we really wound
Are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know,
We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow
To those who love us best.
~Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Fizzy Pink Wine and Heart Yoga

Vanessa and I went to the beach last night.  The beach near Den Haag is called Scheveningen and it's amazing.  We met up around 7pm, and walked along the sand.  People on the beach are just so amazing.  I saw a little girl with a potato chip bag that was three fourths her size completely filled with ocean water.  I also saw a man in his prime, 40s maybe, in a very nice outfit, dress pants and shirt, sitting in the sand picking out shells.  :-D  How can anyone be sad or feel lonely with business men playing in the sand!

The best part of Scheveningen is the row of restaurants and cafes that run along the beach.  Each one has couches and beds for people to lounge on!  I've never seen beds on the beach before!  Vanessa and I found a nice one and piled up with a bunch of pillows and drank rosé and ate bitterballen and garlic bread as the sunset over the ocean.  Perfect.  After dark, we wandered down the line of cafés.  At night they all set up mini-bon fires at each couch so you can be warm on chilly summer nights!  It's just so beautiful!  There are people everywhere, barefoot, smiling, drinking tropical drinks.  And the the sun sets and the fires come on and the ocean glows blue in the darkness, and the pier makes everything sparkle yellow.  Life as it's being lived!

Lolpod:  The train to Den Haag was late (which was good, because so was I!), and I was thirsty so I stopped at the snack kiosk to get a drink.  Lipton Ice Tea.  No lemon.  I get on the train, sit down, settle in, open my drink, and almost drown.  Not because I spilled my drink.  No, because it was CARBONATED.  Now, water is one thing, but...iced tea?  Carbonated.  Iced...tea?  I was so taken aback, I had to laugh out loud.  Just when you think you're getting a hold on how the world works; carbonated tea!  :-D  Let that be a lesson to you!

Today I got up rather late (after being woken up early by a text from Robert! :-)  I can't really complain!)  and took my day slowly.  I went down to the market and got some food from an olive vendor and I got some gummy frogs from the candy vendor.  :-)  

The sun shone for a while today, but around 4pm it got cloudy and even thundered a few times.  But nothing came of it.  No rain, no cold weather.  I took a bike ride around, and just breathed the city in.  I also bought Der Spiegel, a German news magazine, since my German has suffered so dearly in the past few months.  And then back to the Burcht, and back to Obama's book.  He has definitely moved me to tears once or twice!

I just did an hour of yoga and my body is very thankful.  Ah, how much of myself I have neglected!  I subscribe to YOGAmazing, a yoga podcast, and I really like it.  I did a heart opening sequence, and a relaxation sequence as well.  I remember Neel, my friend and sometime guru in Knoxville, telling me about the dangers of not letting your heart chakra lead you.  Wise man, that Neel.  I feel warmer, calmer now.  More like myself.  I'm happy.  :-)

Lolpod: Nothing really made me laugh out loud today.  In public at least.  This, however, made me laugh out loud in the privacy of my room: http://de.youtube.com/watch?v=uiKIlwNVElY

:-D

Against the Wind

The sun is shining again today, and the air is still warm.  There's a strong breeze that takes my hair and tosses it about my shoulders.  The sky is filled with small, fluffy clouds, whose whiteness emphasize the beauty of the bright blue above me.  I am filled with a feeling that must somehow be the child of sorrow and hope.  I climb the steps of the Burcht, an old abandoned fort where the inhabitants of Leiden once fled flood waters.  And I feel as if I too am somehow fleeing from a rising tide.

The Burcht is round and its crumbling rock walls look out over the entire town.  I am reminded of a time, long ago on the calendar, but just a moment ago in my mind, when I walked the walls surrounding Rothenburg, a small Bavarian town.  My mind was filled with questions, and fears, and hopes about the future.  I felt then what I feel now: a slight sadness around the edges of hope, a constant movement in my mind that I can't slow down.

I feel, as I run my fingers over the rough, sun-warmed stone, that the entirety of my life has led me to this spot, to this moment.  For most of my life I have let the wind carry me.  I have not doubted the future, even when I was most uncertain of where I might land.  I have always felt that the wind somehow knew better how my life was to be lived.  I had only to spread my wings, and I would be taken to the future I was meant to have.

However, as I stand above the city with the wind once again in my hair, I see the sacrifices I have made by not using the power of my own wings.  And I begin to wonder if I should leave the strange comfort of the wind.  

The past year has been very difficult for me.  I don't think this is uncommon for people my age.  The predictable routines of school life, of college life, are taken suddenly away from us, and we are asked to make painful (though exciting) decisions.  Where are we going to live?  How are we going to live?  When do we actually get to start living, and not just surviving? 

When I graduated, I was sick of Egyptian history, sick of scholarship.  But I was also lost.  Ready for something different, but not sure what.  I started out on a new, albeit similar, path, but the wind blew me back into the arms of the past.

Now I'm here and I'm not so sure if this path is for me anymore.  As I gaze out over the city below me, my eyes are drawn mostly to the horizon.  I don't know how much longer I want to spend staring back into the past.  I started this work because I felt being connected to the people of the past could connect us to the people of today.  But somewhere I got lost. Somewhere along the way I forgot to pay attention to the present.  To the future.  I floated along on my jet streams, certain of the path I was taking, never looking ahead.  Perhaps it's time to have some faith in myself.  To fly against the wind.

I slowly return to the streets below.  They are filled with people, laughing and drinking.  I notice the tiny toes of a baby curl and uncurl, his blue eyes staring up at the sky with the awestruck silence of extreme youth.  I pass a woman wearing a pink hat, sitting at a table with a yellow cloth over it.  A calico cat lounges in the doorway.  From an open window, a trumpet suddenly calls to me.  The blues pouring down upon me like perfumed water.  I stop to breathe it in.  My soul resonates with the mournful sound, and is lifted up again.  I am filled with the blues, but not just the sorrow, the heartbreak, the regret.  I am filled also with the strength, the determination, the hope that electrify the music. 

I don't know what the future holds, and I'm not so certain anymore.  I don't doubt that I'll be happy.  I don't doubt that I'll find love.  I don't doubt that what I do will be fulfilling and rewarding.  Life is filled with joy, and I intend on drinking as deeply as I can from that cup.

But I realize now I must stretch my wings and tell the wind which way I'm headed.

The Color of Sunlight Through the Leaves

Ok, now for a more typical Amy-blog.  Albeit short. 

Today = roxorz.  Dutch was fun, and informative.  But mostly the sun was shining!!  And, in addition it was warm!  Like, in the 70s! (25C)  I didn't need a jacket!  

After class, Claudia and I went to the park and read.  Susanne joined us, and brought ice cream.  Lekker!  We had some left over, so I took the last one to a group of dudes sitting nearby and offered it to them.  They joked with me in Dutch about how I had ruined their friendship by only bringing one (there were 4 of them) and told me they'd have to fight about it.  (They ended up sharing! Haha.)  All in all a gorgeously awesome day.  I sat under a tree and read my book (see previous entry) and did my homework.  That was my day.  It was awesome!

Again, Robert with the open mind thing.  Claudia.  She's sort of the odd duck in our language class.  She's not good with language, and just couldn't say anything for the first week or so.  She also invariably says strange and out of place things, or asks a question just after the teacher has just discussed the answer.  A lot of people find her annoying.  I don't exactly.  I just can't figure her out.  (I also can't understand her German very well since she's from Nowheresburg.)  

I think most people find her annoying precisely because she doesn't do or say what you think she should do or say.  She's just marching on.  Totally different drummer.  I went to her apartment after class and we chatted a bit, and I thnk she's actually pretty cool now.  Still haven't figured her out, but, hey, I haven't figured out a lot of people.  Doesn't slow me down!  

And now: Lolpod (the thing that made me Laugh Out Loud in Public Of the Day, in case you forgot)

A man stumbled through the park, laid out a blanket, took off his shirt, and proceeded to pass out in the sun.  Spread eagle.  A while later, this ADORABLE little fluffy poof dog (but a respectable fluffy poof) comes along, and freaks out at the sight of this man.  He charges, full speed ahead, and begins to bound around the guy's spread eagle body, barking like a wild thing.  The man doesn't move, he lays as if dead, while a renegade fuzz ball lays him low.  :-)

The Audacity of Hope

 Imagine this:  You go to visit your friend and they ask "Do you want anything?"  You don't really even think about it, you just answer "No, thanks, I just ate," right?  Ok, so they say, "Are you sure?"  and you're pretty certain.  Then they bring out a box of the most beautiful chocolate you've ever seen.  We're talking extra dark.  From Belgium.  With gooey, awesome insides, guaranteed no nougat, or that weird pink stuff.  Heaven in a little ball.  Of course, at first you refuse.  Didn't you just say you were full?  No, no, you couldn't.  You really shouldn't.  No, well...ok, maybe just one....

This is what Robert did to me.  He offered me the heaven in a ball that is an open mind.  And, naturally, I refused.  Didn't I just tell him one thing?  Why change my story now?  No, no...well...ok....

I decided that for this election I was going to be a good, upstanding, awesome-face citizen, and educate myself on the issues, and decide where I stood, research the candidates and make a well thought out choice.  But I have to admit I was too scared to try.  I was too scared of the noise of politics.  The stupid "if you're not with us you're against us" mentality that seems to permeate the whole scene, the negative ad campaigns, the games of semantic Twister, the sex scandals and the inevitable racial/religious blunder.  My mentality became, "What's the point?"  My faith in democracy vanished.  

Enter Robert.  Ok, I'll try again.

So, I marched right out and bought "The Audacity of Hope" by Barack Obama (I'm going to read McCain's book if I can find it.)  I wasn't sure what to expect, but the very first chapter picked me up and shook me to my core.  And the rest hasn't disappointed yet.

Now, before I go on, I'm going to point out that I'm still not sure where I stand on all of this.  I'm still searching for what rings most true to me, and I'm holding off on making any real decisions until I know all the facts.  And both the candidates. 

That being said, Obama's book has restored my faith in American politics.  At least in the promise of American politics.  It has also made me proud, very proud, to be American.  In this book Obama talks about the rise of the current political mess we have.  He talks about how there doesn't need to be such polarity between parties.  Democrats who vote pro-life and Republicans who are anti-gun do not have to be isolated, tossed aside as renegades.  He so beautifully explains the complexities of most Americans, and the overriding will to make this country a better place.  That's one thing I am very pleased with in this book.  Instead of focusing on the negative sides of people he doesn't agree with, Obama (according to himself) attempts to find the common ground; he tries to see the argument through the eyes of the other.  

I had not realized how much of my view of politics came from an extremely polarized system.  You either agree or you disagree.  For us or against us.  A good person, or an idiot.  There's no middle ground.  The media serves mainly to fan the flames, and, the people just stop caring.  We stop feeling we actually have a voice.  Or we stop listening. We stop believing any of the talking heads are saying anything of worth or import.  Some politician is talking?  Who cares, he's probably just bashing the other side.

"After a few paragraphs, the reader can conclude that Republicans and Democrats are just bickering again and turn to the sports page, where the story line is less predictable and the box score tells you who won." (Obama, 2006, p.125)

Obama calls for a nation that is no longer divided, but that still has its own opinions.  Surely this is possible.  If not, I'm afraid for America.  "A house divided cannot stand" and won't be one country for long.  

I don't know.  The man is a brilliant writer, an extremely gifted orator.  (www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kf0x_TpDris)  Perhaps I am falling victim to his rhetoric.  Perhaps he will not be willing or able to make the changes he claims to dream of.  Doesn't matter.  The simple fact that he says the things he says gives me hope.  The very fact that he thinks that saying these things is what the American public wants to hear, that his idea of America will get him elected, excites me.  Hearing someone tell me that we don't have to scream at each other, and that we don't have to watch helplessly, is invigorating.  Even if it's just what I want to hear, I never realized it until now.  I need to hear that being an American can truly mean living with integrity, hope, determination, and compassion.  Maybe he can't fix anything, but the conversation has begun!  

Hammer

"Of course, there is another story to be told, by the millions of Americans who are going about their business every day.  Their lives are full of contradictions and ambiguities.  And because politics seems to speak so little to what they are going through -- because they understand that politics today is a business and not a mission, and what passes for debate is little more than a spectacle -- they turn inward, away from the noise and the rage and the endless chatter.

A government that truly represents these Americans -- that truly serves these Americans -- will require a different kind of politics.  That politics will need to reflect our lives as they are actually lived...It will have to be constructed from the best of our traditions and will have to account for the darker aspects of our past.  We will need to understand just how we got to this place, this land of warring factions and tribal hatreds.  And we will need to remind ourselves, despite all our differences, just how much we share: common hopes, common dreams, a bond that will not break."

--Barack Obama "The Audacity of Hope" (2006: pp.24-25)

Sunshine So Good for the Soul

Ah.  Warmth.  And sunlight.  My soul batteries are officially recharged.  :-)

They always say time flies when you're having fun, but I don't know anymore.  I always feel like the more I do in a day that makes me happy, the more likely I am to come home and say "Wow, I can't believe it's still so early!"  If I sit around doing nothing, being bored, it's always suddenly time to go to bed again.  With nothing to show for being awake.  

I managed to get a bank account, sorta.  The bank was actually too busy to schedule me for an appointment in the next three weeks or so, so the guy told me he'd go ahead and do it for me in his free time. :-)  I was extremely pleased with myself because I did the whole thing in Dutch.  After I told the guy I wanted to open an account, he asked if I was an international student or a Dutch student!  Woo!  When I told him I was American he asked how I could speak such good Dutch! ("Hoe kan dat?" = "How can that be?") Another notch in my belt of people not being able to tell I'm American!  Ha!  (I save the notches of people mistaking me as a native speaker of their language for my bedpost.  I have a few Germans, a Dutchman (I'm totally counting the bank guy) a Greek or two (but only because I could say 'thank you' convincingly,) and an Italian (and he gave me a free key chain because he thought I was from his hometown!) :-D )

I then went on the search for "The Audacity of Hope" Barack Obama's book, and bought it when I found it.  I was also looking for McCain's book "Faith of my Fathers" but, um,  no one had it.  Do they not carry it?  Or was it sold out?  Hmm.  When I worked at Borders I really wanted to check these guys out, (including Hilary's book, whatever it was called) but never got around to it. (I had a whole bookstore at my disposal!)  One of my favorite customer stories comes from these books.

At the check-out we had a little politics display that had a book by each of the hopefuls (Hillary was still around at this point) and little stuffed donkeys and elephants.  On this particular day, all the elephants were sold out, and the donkeys were set out in a pleasing, and symmetrical arrangement.  So, this woman comes up to my register to buy her books.  She was unassuming, her books were boring, normal; not even Oprah book club books, just books.  As I scanned her choices, she stepped over to the display, and very carefully scooted Obama and Clinton closer together, and set McCain over in his own little area.  She then took all the donkeys and set them in front of (thus obscuring) the other books and murmured to herself "Let's just put all the asses together."  !! :-D  I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing.  She was just so calm and boring about it all.  This was not a move of passion or disgust, just very simply the way things needed to be arranged in her mind.  Hee!  I love Brentwood.

In other news, my camera charger arrived (along with 3 freakin bottles of my favorite body wash (which you can't buy here)  Moms rock!  haha)  So, now I have a fully charged camera!  Woot!  I also found a few pictures of last summer of me and the boys (minus Jon, but including Glen) playing putt putt golf.  I also found a video of this man who lived at Barclay house diving in the pool.  Every evening at 7pm he would put on his huge goggles and swim laps.  He was probably in his 70s or so, and just the coolest guy.  And he would do these awesome dives where his feet would reach up to the sky and very slowly sink down.  Heather and I lived for 7pm.  And I have video.  :-)  

I'd like to add a new addition to my blog, namely the Thing That Made Me Laugh Out Loud in Public of The Day!  So

The Thing That Made Me Laugh Out Loud in Public of The Day (hereafter Lolpod):  I was locking up my bike and I saw a tiny ant scrambling around.  I'm obsessed with ants (all hive critters, really) so I watched him for a bit.  Some other small insect had lost a wing at some point, and my little ant thought that would make a fine dinner for his compatriots since it was 5 times his size.  So he grabbed it and scuttled off on his way.  At just that moment a gust of wind burst down the street, and my tiny friend became airborne for a few seconds, flying a good 4  inches (10cm) before coming in for a landing.  He sort of freaked out, in that frantic ant way, then he picked up his dinner and scuttled on.  :-)

I'm Too American for This Bank

I didn't go to class today.  I woke up at 7am, though, and got to work.  I went to the bank to open an account.  Made an appointment for 2pm.  I then spent the rest of the day running around town trying to figure out how to pay my rent with no bank account.  I biked across Leiden's center about 5 times.  But I got it settled, and I won't be sleeping on the street come August.  Though, I wasn't horribly worried since Yohann has apparently not paid his rent for, oh, 3 months.

When I went to the bank for my appointment, I ran into Susanne and Vanessa.  They both use the same bank I was visiting.  They were actually on their way to find me since I missed class.  They were on a mission to bring me "feel better" chocolate!  :-D  Such good friends are hard to come by, and I have two after just a few weeks!  I am truly blessed.  

However, I am also an American, which is apparently a problem.  The banks here can't actually take on American clients because of some weirdness with American banks.  I don't get it exactly, but I think American banks basically make it too complicated for the Dutch banks.  So, I couldn't get an account.  Bum.  There's only one bank in town that'll have me and my American self.  Le sigh. 

I didn't go there, however.  I went and sat on a boat-cafe with the girls and drank a cola and chatted.  Then we went shopping.  No one was really looking for anything to buy, we were just shopping.  The weather was very nice today, so I was feeling much better.  It's been so cold (mid-60s, in July) and rainy (EVERY FREAKIN DAY,) that I keep forgetting that it's supposed to be July.  Today was, well, not my idea of July, but warm and sunny anyway.  

I came home just in time for the sky to get cloudy again.  More rain.  But I didn't mind.  I watched old Bill Cosby skits, read some Rumi, watched Mosaic news of the Middle East, and listened to the Dutch news.  I then made a pretty rockin dinner of rice and curry and went to drink some champagne with Yohann and Katerina.

And now some words from Bill Cosby:

"You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it."

"There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God." 

"People can be more forgiving than you can imagine.  But you have to forgive yourself.  Let go of what's bitter and move on."

 

The Rainy Day

Be still sad heart and cease repining

Behind the clouds is the sun still shining

Thy fate is the common fate of all;

Into each life some rain must fall....

--Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Eep!

Today has been simultaneously productive and lazy.  I cleaned the heck out of my apartment.  I learned mucho Dutcho (even read the newspaper in Dutch!)  I danced a bit.  I went shopping.  I also put my ladybug bell on my bike.  I now have the cutest bike in this town.  Pictures to follow, when I get my camera going.

The only real exciting thing that happened today actually happened less than 2 min ago.  Someone tried to break into my room!  I was focused on my computer, and I heard a noise right outside my window so I turned.  And I found myself face to face with an orange and white cat!  Huge black eyes!  He was well on his way to climbing my window when he saw me and ran off.  Haha!  I think he scared me much more than I could ever have scared him!  My heart is still sort of pounding!  

:-D

Another Marketday come and gone.  Quite a good one at that.  I woke up at 10 am, which was much much earlier than expected.  I didn't get to bed until 2am the night before (and I didn't sleep at all the night before that.)  My mom set my brother, Troy, up with Skype last night, so I got to chat with the whole fam-damn-ily.  :-)  It was actually really nice.  Aunt Jeannie even Skyped me from Indiana at one point!  

I bummed around here for a little while, and then went to the market to play.  I just can't stay away.  I bought some awesome olives and some tampenade (I'm almost certain that's not how you spell that...) and some candy shoe strings.  I also bought (fake) flowers for Roxanna!  She's so beautiful now with her blue achtertassen (saddle bags) and blue bloemen (flowers)!  I still have to put my liefesheerbeestje (ladybug) bell on, but there will be pictures of a thoroughly souped up Roxanna soon enough.  :-)

I then went to see Kung-Fu Panda with Susanne.  In Dutch!  I actually ended up understanding quite a bit more than I thought I would (Toeval bestaat niet....)  Though I have to admit that the lack of Jack Black was unfortunack.  But the Dutchiness of the whole thing sort of made up for it.  The kicker was Kung-Fu Fighting (the song) in Dutch.  Yes, I have a link.  

The movie was the least of the experience though.  First of all there were children EVERYWHERE.  I saw this movie twice in America, and there were barely any children.  This place was PACKED with them.  And they were rowdy!  Not necessarily misbehaving, but right there on the cusp.  I liked it though.  Having children around is just fun.  The girl next to me actually laid her head on my knee for a while during the movie!  I also had a girl (5 or 6 years old) in the bathroom ask me (in Dutch of course) if I could give her more paper.  Another girl got stuck in the stall, and had to be freed.  Chaos, man, as only 6 year olds can provide!

There was also a break right in the middle of the movie, which I found rather strange.  No one really got anything to eat or drink until the break either, then they all streamed into the concessions area to get chips and cokes and stuff.  It was cool, but definitely strange.  There were tables and chairs, and everyone sat down and chilled and talked.  This lasted about 15 min.  I think this happens in every movie here, not just the children's movies.  The worst part though: they don't serve popcorn.  None.  In Germany sometimes you can't get salty popcorn, only kettle corn, but at least you can get you some popped corn!  Not here.  Nothing.  Just Pringles, and Mars bars and colas.   Sad sad country!  :-)

After de film, I came home and piddled for a bit, and then went on a bike tour of Leiden.  Actually, I just went back to the gorgeous fields where Robert and I went walking the other day.  It had such a positive effect on me then, and I wanted to clear my mind again today.  This time the sun was shining, and it was warm, and the wind was blowing, and life was amazing.  I biked all around, and only turned back when I realized that there was a nasty black cloud brewing off to the west.  Too bad too, I could have ridden to the next town.  Or farther.  Who knows.  I got lost on the way back, which was awesome in and of itself.  I love nothing more than to get lost in a city.  I got back to my apartment 5 minutes before torrential downpours.  Lucky me.

I then spent an hour watching Dr. Horrible (www.drhorrible.com/  though be aware that it goes offline tomorrow, helas) which is the newest project by Joss Whedon (genius that he is.)  Then I met up with Susanne and we went to a hip-hop festival.  Haha.  It was actually just about over by the time we got there.  We were just in time for the dance competition, which was actually not as good as I had hoped.  The winner was a 13 year old girl.  And she deserved it.  Though, 13 year olds winning hip-hop dance competitions still sort of make me sad.  I told Susanne that most Americans only know how to dance to hip-hop, and she laughed.  She said next time I should compete!

We then found a restaurant and tried bitterballen.  Bitterballen are another national specialty, and one that has nothing to do with raw fish or onions.  They're basically smaller, rounder croquets.  Meat and butter and veggies and stuff, I guess.  It's really rather hard to tell.  It sort of reminds me of deep fried gravy.  Only, tasty, and not the greasiest deadliest thing ever.  They look like hush puppies on the outside, but inside was gooey and warm and frankly pretty tasty.  Definitely not the healthiest snack around, but certainly a tasty treat.  

We then sat around and chatted for a few hours.  Once again, we bonded by talking about old boyfriends.  Though this was mostly the good stories, not the horror stories.  :-)  Funny how girls are sometimes.  Either way, we had a good time talking, and then went off to find something else to do.  We went to Mas y Mas, the dance club I went to last Friday, but it was EMPTY.  I mean, there were people there, but literally only ONE person on the dance floor.  So we wandered off, and never really found anything else.  So we decided to call it a night.  Which is fine by me, really.  I could use the sleep.

In other news, I bought two cartons of currants at the market today for €1.  I fully intend to eat them for breakfast.  With cream.  :-)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ak2qfKkuDyE

I Can't Express My Exhaustion

Today I woke up entirely too early to walk Robert to the train station.  He left from track 1.

After Dutch lessons the whole class went to the Oude Leidse Pannekoeken Huis (wow, or something similar-ish) for pannekoeken.  This translates as pancakes, but it should really be thought of as being closer to crepes.  Dutch pancakes are nothing like IHOP.  First of all, they're very thin with bits of stuff baked in.  Mine had bananas and powdered sugar, but you can get all sorts of fruit and nuts, or cheese and meat if you like.  So, nothing like a pancake, unless you're that kid who scoops hash browns, bacon, and all onto your poor pancake.  And even then, not the same.  

They are also several sizes larger than your head. 

Today was our last day with Miranda (our Dutch teacher.)  I really liked Miranda.  She was extremely perceptive to our needs.  She knew what questions to ask each person so they could simultaneously exhibit their strengths and work on their weaknesses.  At least, that's how I felt.  I am going to miss her.  We went through an entire book in only two weeks!

After lunch, Vanessa and I went back to her house in Den Haag and swapped horrible boyfriend stories (I chose to tell her about my personal favorite ex of mine,  Der Schlitzer von Friedrichshain.)  Her house is exceptionally cool since her family has spent the last umpteen years in Asia.  Asian everything.  Cool.  Then we met up with some Dutch girls she works with in the lab, and we all rode out to Rotterdam to shop.  I didn't have any money on me, and I don't need anything, really, so I didn't buy anything.  Just the looking was fun though.  (I am on the hunt for a nice rain coat, and some cute rain boots, however.)  

There is something so very therapeutic in shopping.  It's not in the buying.  It's in the searching for beautiful things, and it's in seeing yourself and your friends in these beautiful things.  Does that make sense?  I see a skirt that would look amazing on Vanessa, and I tell her, and she smiles.  Female bonding, man.  Definitely a requirement today.

After wandering around forever in Rotterdam's rather rockin shopping district we ate at Burger King.  It was rather glorious.  I don't eat fast food much, even less so when in Europe, but now and then, a burger is just...right.  Yum.  In that gross sort of, I can't believe I just ate that, yuck, sort of way.  :-)

Now I'm waiting patiently for my mom to show my brother how to use Skype so we can have a huge family pow wow.  And then maybe I can finally sleeeeeep.  

Blog: Now With More Amy! omg Sequel!

Tuesday Robert and I went on a boat tour of Leiden!  We rented a little row boat and row-row-row'ed our way through the little canals that crisscross my town.  Such a cool trip!  So many beautiful things to see.  And everything familiar to me was seen from a new perspective.

Wednesday we went to Amsterdam and wandered through the city.  We didn't really go for any reason, just wanted to see it.  It's actually a pretty nice place.  I had a really rather negative view going in.  Red light district. Pot.  Neither is anything I'm interested in.  At all.  Plus I had heard beaucoup horror stories about being mugged and chased through the streets by drug dealers.  Mom and I went to the Van Gogh Museum while she was here, and so all I had seen of Amsterdam was the one tram line it took to get there.  I thought the town was crowded and confusing.  Loud and touristy.  And, I suppose it is.  No getting around that, maybe.  But it didn't bother me this time.  Maybe I saw the logic of the place from the ground.  Either way, I really enjoyed it, in spite of myself.

Yesterday Robert and I were in a grumpy mood thanks in part to the grey, drizzly weather.  So, we went for a walk around Leiden.  Which is to say, away from the center.  First of all, we got rained on.  This was nice.  Secondly, we found where the real people live.  Residential sector.  I am SO in love with Dutch houses.  They're tiny, and cute, and covered in flowers!  They're very skinny and deep, but not very wide.  And everyone has a tiny little lawn, with a tiny little fence, and as many GORGEOUS and HUGE flowers as can possibly be stuffed into this tiny little space.  Also, there are cats.  Lots of strange looking cats.  I have never seen so many wildly beautiful cats.  They all look like they just strolled out of the darkest jungle just to grace the sunny front windows of the Dutch.

Also, there were a bazillion slugs.  (Naktschneke or "Naked Snails" in German, which I find hilarious.)  But no seriously, they were everywhere and they were HUGE.  Not quite as big as banana slugs, but much bigger than your garden variety Tennessee naked snails.  They are also the color of brick.  They sort of freak me out.

Anyway, Robert and I also stumbled upon this rockin wetland/mini-geyser field.  This place was nuts.  There was this windmill, see.  And, if I read the sign (which was in Dutch) properly, when the wind blows, the windmill does its dance, and pumps air into, I dunno, pipes under the ground.  These in turn cause these 7 man made mini-geysers to spurt water all over the place, thus watering the field for moss to grow.  Or something along those lines.  Most importantly here are the mini-geysers!  We didn't see them geys, but I totally want to.  Must happen.

This wetland area was painfully beautiful.  I mean, painfully.  I suppose now I understand how so many famous artists came out of such a cold, grey, rainy area.  You just don't notice the weather while you're walking around.  I have never seen a more exotic landscape.  I don't know why it was so foreign to me.  So new.  There were trees that had been cut down, but they weren't dead.  They were growing back.  So they had this very Dr. Seuss quality about them.  There were reed beds and the water was covered with lily pads and those tiny tiny green plants that turn rivers green.  

Birds were everywhere!  In particular there was a huge swan, who swam all alone through the canal.  But he did so with such assertiveness that you had no doubt who owned the area.  At one point he took flight and flew over the canal toward us.  His wings swished loudly.  I couldn't hear anything else.  And then he landed again.  Sliding over the water.  Ah, such a beautiful beautiful walk.

I don't have pictures of that.  Robert does, and I'm sure he'll send them to me as soon as he gets them off his phone.  (Hint Hint Hint)

Blog: Now With More Amy!

I'm alive, my friends.  Sorry I haven't written.  There has been no time and little energy for this sort of thing.  I'll try, for my sake, to run quickly through an overview of what I've done this past week.  Details may not come.  This is not because I don't remember them.

Last Friday I went dancing with Yohann, Fabio and Katerina.  We went to a club just down the street called Mas y Mas.  Mucho dancing.

  A great time was had by all, but mostly by me and Fabio.  He LOVES to dance and isn't afraid to.  I was simply in a dancing mood, so I let go and jammed out.  This is not the usual thing to do in Europe.  Dancers, especially the girls, tend to be very shy about really letting go.  They're very conservative dancers in comparison to the bumping and grinding that goes on in American clubs.  While I'm no raunchy dancer,

 I was certainly more outgoing than Europe is generally used to.  Which meant I had a nice little audience which just added to my energy.  Unfortunately, most of my audience tried to dance up on me, so Fabio worked as a very nice shield.  We didn't get home until 2am.  

When I got to my room, Robert was standing outside the window!  Surprise!  :-D  I had known he was coming to visit, but I didn't expect him until Sunday night at the earliest.  I felt pretty horrible though since he had gotten in at midnight, and had thus spent two hours in the Dutch night alone.  At least it wasn't raining!

Saturday we went to the market with Vanessa,

 Susanne, and Susanne's boyfriend Dominic.  We wandered around the market all day, bought candy and sat in a coffee shop and chatted for a long time.  Such a great day.  Beautiful weather, and wonderfully fun people, with the hustle

 and bustle of the market.  My German very much confused Dominic; he knew I was American from Susanne, but couldn't hear it in my accent!  :-D  Afterwards, Robert and I went to this little Italian place down the street (called something like "Mama Mia" or "O Sole Mio" haha) and ate the most AMAZING pizza.  Ever.

Sunday I read further in De Spiderwick Chronicles and Robert worked

 on his Law homework.  I think.  I don't know, Sunday is sort of a blur now.  I do remember going to a Jack Johnson concert in Den Haag with Vanessa and her brother, Malte.  The tickets cost €40, but it was in a big public park, so we just sat down in a field behind the fences.  (This would have been perfect except there was a cricket game going on, and we almost got killed a few times.)  We could see the screens really well, and the sound was perfect.  There were maybe 50 people or so milling about, drinking wine and chilling out and Robert and I tried to teach Malte how to spin poi!  Hahaha.   Such a great concert too!  I rather dig Jack Johnson, but I tend to not be a huge fan of live performances.  But man, Jack sounds better live than he does on CD.  He also kept interacting with the audience and making fun of them.  Very good show.

Monday almost certainly happened.  That's about all I can say about that.

I shall continue this blog in a new entry, since blogger is extremely limited, and I can only seem to get two pictures per post.  

Puedo Escribir -- Pablo Neruda

Puedo escribir los versos más tristes esta noche.

Escribir, por ejemplo: "La noche está estrellada

y tiritan, azules, los astros, a lo lejos."

El viento de la noche gira en el cielo y canta.

Puedo escribir los versos más tristes esta noche.

Yo la quise, y a veces ella también me quiso.

En las noches como esta la tuve entre mis brazos.

Le besé tantas veces bajo el cielo infinito.

Ella me quiso, a veces yo también la quería.

Como no haber amado sus grandes ojos fijos.

Puedo escribir los versos más tristes esta noche.

Pensar que no la tengo.  Sentir que la he perdido.

Oir la noche inmensa, más inmensa sin ella.

Y el verso cae al alma como al pasto el rocío.

Qué importa que mi amor no pudiera guardarla.

La noche esta estrellade y ella no está conmigo.

Eso es todo.  A lo lejos alguien canta.  A lo lejos.

Mi alma no se contenta con haberla perdido.

Como para acercarla mi mirada la busca.

Mi corazón la busca, y ella no está conmigo.

La misma noche que hace blanquear los mismos árboles.

Nosostros, los de entonces, ya no somos los mismos.

Ya no lo quiero, es cierto, pero cuánto la quise.

Mi voz buscaba el viento para tocar su oído.

De otro.  Será de otro.  Como antes de mis besos.

Su voz, su cuerpo claro.  Sus ojos infinitos.

Ya no la quiero, es cierto, per tal vez la quiero.

Es tan corto el amor, y es tan largo el olvido.

Porque en noches como esta la tuve entre mis brazos,

mi alma no se contenta con haberla perdido.

Aunque esta sea el ultimo dolor que ella me causa,

y estos sean los ultimos versos que yo le escribo.

Things are getting better in my brain.  I'm slowly beginning to sort all of these languages out.  My German is coming back to me.  For the past few days I've really not been able to speak German at all.  It just refused to come.  But I spent most of today speaking only German (when not speaking Dutch) and it's only getting easier.  I can now rock the known world in Dutch.  Or at least read children's books.  I'm actually extremely impressed with myself.  That is to say, I'm thoroughly impressed with my INTENSIVE Dutch language class.  When I started this class I could say, "hello, goodbye, thank you, water" (though not please, or May I have some) and I could struggle through understanding (but only if I imagined German spoken by someone from North Dakota.)   A week later and I am 163 pages into a book in Dutch.  Sure, it's written on a 10 year old level, but hey, 10 years in one week isn't bad!  I can (and do) now order food, shop at the market, write text messages, and give directions.  And people don't even answer me in English anymore!  Woot!  Not that they think I'm Dutch, by any stretch, but they at least don't think I'm incapable of Dutch.  I am in linguistic heaven here.

The sun also shone today, which is awesome.  People kept telling me that the weather in the Netherlands is bad.  The problem is, people kept telling me that it was always cloudy and rainy in Germany too.  And that turned out to be untrue.  It rained and clouded and all that, but not really noticeably more so than anywhere else.  (I heard this so many times that I decided that either a) I look for sunshine, b) Germans are depressing and look for rain, and/or c) they were lying to me!)  Unfortunately, they were not lying about the Netherlands.  It has rained every day this week.  Not just misty warm sprinkles either.  Hard, cold, wet, thundery, miserable rain.  I was downright depressed yesterday.  The sun shone for about an hour yesterday, and I went and stood in it.

But today was nice.  After class, Vanessa and I went to a cafe on Nieuw Rijn and sat on the boat and enjoyed the sun for a few hours.  Then we went to a bookstore and she got a children's book too.  Hers was some educational series about China.  Mine is about fairies.  Na ja.  She and I are meeting up tomorrow to go to the market.  I'm very excited.  I live for market day.  There's just so much life and noise and bustle on market day!  Vanessa is also entirely too cool.

I then came home and read my children's book in the sun.  Then it got to cold and windy, so I sat in my window.  Now I'm getting ready to go out with Yohann, Fabio, and Katerina.  These are real people, though if I had to make up European names, these would just about be them.  There would also be a Sebastian and a Natasha though.

My brain is frijd.  Ik kan nu geen Nederlands, geen Duits, en geen Engels meer praten.  Ich hab alles vergessen.  Alles geht durcheinander.  Even English is difficult for me now.  Wij hebben so veel Nederlands geleert!  So much Dutch!  I spent 6 hours doing Dutch homework yesterday, and 5 and a half today.  Add that to my 3 hour class in the morning, and I've got a full time job!  I LOVE IT!  It does hurt though.  And I really can't speak German anymore.  It just sort of turns into Dutch.  

Yesterday I bought a writing book for children.  It's cute little writing and spelling exercises for 7-8 year olds.  Perfect!  I also bought The Spiderwick Chronicles (sorry, De Spiderwick Chronicles) in Dutch.  Spiderwick Chronicles (SP) is a series of children's books about boggarts, and fairies and other such magical things.  It's cute, and I really like the story, but the book is written on a 3rd or 4th grade level.  They made it into a movie.  They made the movie back into a book.  And I bought it.  I'm not sure I'm quite on a 4th grade reading level, but I'm doing ok.  I can understand the story, anyway.  Yay context clues!  :-D

Today I bought saddle bags for my bike and the cutest bell EVER. 

<----- OMG!

I don't remember what these are called in English... Marienkäfer in German.  And lieveheersbeetje in Dutch.  Which I can somehow remember.  Just not ladybug.  Gah.  

Ik ga slapen.  Ich geh schlafen.  I'm going to sleep.

You Win Some, You Lose Some

Today I shall talk about Dutch cuisine.  There isn't any.  That's not really true, of course, but it's all boring.  Stews and noodly things,  vegetables with hunks of meat.  Boring.  But I am here today to present two exceptions to the boring cuisine rule.  One is lekker (delicious) the other is belachelijk (rediculous) in it's disgustingness.  I shall start with the belachelijke one, so the lekker one will look even better in comparison.  

So, here we have cuisine 1:  Maatjeshering.  This dish consists of pretty much what you see here: a fish soaked in a marinade (of salt, mostly) and dipped in chopped onions.  Then eaten.  Whole.  And raw.  You eat them exactly like this blonde chick.  You hold the tail, and slurp.  I will temper your disgust by assuring you that the head and the bones are no longer present.  This is little consolation for me.  These people love this.  During the markets you can ALWAYS see someone munching away on onion encrusted herring.  

I like to keep an open mind about everything.  I prefer to be vegetarian, but I do eat meat now and then so my body won't lose it's ability to process it, just in case I gotta eat some lamb or offend the Maharaja or something.  I'll try most anything once, for good or bad.  But this open mindedness comes from an understanding that looks can be deceiving.  Rather than turning down a dish because it sounds gross, or even smells or looks gross, I go for it.  Tasting, and often being pleasantly surprised.  However, I KNOW how Maatjsehering will freakin taste: like salty raw fish and onions!  Nope.  Thanks.  Blechkuchen.

Now for the good nieuws.  Hagelslag.  (Please remember, each 'g' is a guttural sound.  The word is almost as good as the dish.)  Hagelslag is really the saving grace of these people.  Again, it's pretty much what it looks like.  Toast.  Butter. OMG CHOCOLATE SPRINKLES!  These people are brilliant!  You can eat a sprinkle sandwich

 and everyone thinks you're a normal, mature adult!!  (Of course, you can also eat a headless raw fish and they'll think the same, but that's not the point.)  I mean, really!  This is genius, people.  The best part?  You can totally go make this RIGHT NOW even though you live in America.  Because we have bread, butter, and chocolate sprinkles!  AND!  You can completely write it off as a "expanding your cultural horizons."  See?  It's culture!  And how can you not love a culture that includes chocolate sprinkles?  

That's really all I've got for today.  It's been raining and storming since I got back from my Dutch lesson.  I took a lekker two hour nap.  It was just such a nice day for a nap!  The sky was that nice, comfy, sleepy grey, and the rain was falling really hard, and every now and then there was a rumble of thunder.  I was out.  

I had a very strange dream about living on the 2nd floor of this building and overlooking an Indonesian market with lots of little children running around and laughing wearing very elaborate Indonesian dress.  I was trying to wake up from my nap to go out and play with the children, and shop for clothes like theirs at the market.  I looked out my window and a man with sunglasses was walking by.  He stopped and looked at me intensely.  I was actually quite terrifying!  He seemed more real than I did at the time.  I finally got away from him, and a woman started asking me questions, in Dutch, about how long I've lived here.  This part of the dream is at least clear; she asked the same questions I've been answering in class!  Haha.  I guess I must be learning something!  I think I answered them properly too!

Ok, updating for yesterday.  I met Susanne, one of the German girls from my Dutch class, at the train station and we went to Den Haag and met up with Vanessa, another of my Dutch learning Germans.  The three of us went to the beach.  It was a much different experience than the beach at Katwijk.  This was due, mostly to the lack of wind.  It was beautiful!  Real beachy weather!  Not hot though, which really just made it better because you could actually walk on the sand barefoot.  It was perfect.  The water was freezing though.  I wouldn't have gotten in even if it had been 115ºF outside.  BRRR!  I bought the sunglasses you see at left.  I needed some, and I loved the little mouths.  They open when you fold up the glasses!  Hee hee hee!

After walking through the waves, and eating ice cream, and shopping for sunglasses, it started to rain, so we went shopping.  We all needed notebooks for class, so we went on a major expedition.  Vanessa is awesome.  She wanted a very specific kind of notebook.  Preferably pink.  And/or shiny.  She reminds me of Mike the Girl in this way.  She is very aware of the way things look.  She wants to surround herself with beautiful things.  But she's still very grounded and extremely intelligent.  She is not the clothes she wears, but if she's going to wear them they might as well look great!  :-)  Vanessa's dad has some job that makes him travel, so she grew up in Thailand.  She went to German schools, so she was around Germans, but still in Thailand.  So she's a bit different.  So much fun!  Susanne is also really awesome, just in a quieter way.  It'll take longer to get to know her, because she doesn't tell you the quirky little things about her.  Vanessa does. 

After a bunch of shopping we drank some coffee and watched people.  Then back to Leiden for me and Susanne.  I got soaking wet on the bike ride back to my apartment.  Which was rather refreshing, really.  Then I bummed around here until Rob and Yohann came by, and we all hung out in Yohann's room.  We were joined by Fabio, an Italian who also lives here, and watched music videos with our own music over them.  The best was some random video where everybody was break dancing with Benny Benassi's satisfaction.  You can look it up on YouTube.  The video is a bunch of chicks in bikinis sexily using power tools.  The song is much better with break dancers, in my opinion.  After a few hours of that, I went to bed.

I'm thinking about getting a tv.  TV is included in my rent, I just need to buy the set.  I wouldn't do this except a) it's good to hear Dutch spoken, but mostly because b) they have like 5 Arabic stations, a Spanish station and 4 or 5 German stations....  I could listen to the WORLD!  I must do it!  So, now I have to find a cheap tv.  And a small one.

Today has been slow, but productive.  I cleaned the heck out of my apartment.  We're talking some serious 409-type action.  I also did laundry, which literally took 6 hours.  The other tenants here had told me that the washer takes 2 hours, but I thought it was just hyperbole.  Nope, it's true.  Two hours per load.  And then the dryer.  Good lord.  But my clothes are washed and dried.  Not put away though.  Darn.

In other news, Fabio introduced me to jumpstyle.  It is, as far as I can tell, a Europeanized Charleston.  And I must learn it!

Check it out:  Type in www.jumpstyle-germany.eu in youtube.

Hee hee (I'll post tomorrow)

I have friends!  I've only been here a short while, but I've met some really cool people.  

* Keith from England

* Rob from North Carolina 

*  Yohann from France

*  Caterina from Greece

*  Vanessa from Germany

*  Susanne from Germany

*  Andrea from Slovakia

Just the other night Yohann, Caterina and Rob and I went out to a cafe on the canal (literally, the cafe is on a boat on the canal) and then hung out in Caterina's room.  Keith and I regularly chill in our doorways (he's right across the hall) and talk about juggling and acting and Terry Pratchett.  My news friends are from my Dutch course.  They all speak German so we all speak German.   And I'm glad for that.  Tomorrow, Vanessa, Susanne and Andrea and I are meeting up in Den Haag (Andrea and Vanessa both live there; it's only 10min by train.)  We don't know what we're doing.  It depends on the weather.  The beach has been mentioned!  

Today was beautiful.  The girls and I sat outside during our lunch break and talked and watched boats float by on the canal.  After class Susanne and I rode our bikes home together (she lives pretty close to me.)  I took a quick nap which lasted almost 2 hours.  Then I sat on my favorite hill and read.  And then I made some food and read some more.  Life is life, what can I say?  I can't complain!

Extending my metaphors

I'm sorry the images have fallen out of my blogs.  I lost my camera's battery charger long ago, and I'm waiting for a new one to arrive.  Forgive me.  I'll post my Picture of the Day until I can get real pictures going.  My Picture of the Day was a project I started a year or so ago where I'd take a picture of myself each day.  The point was to see how I changed over time.  It's really not an exercise in vanity, but rather a way of expressing how things can seem to change but stay the same.  And how they seem to stay the same but change.  Of course, I stopped doing it for a while.  But now I've started it up again.  This is what I looked like on my first day of Dutch lessons!  :-)

A quick update and then a little personal insight.  As I said, my Dutch lessons started today.  I'm in a class with about 15 other German speakers.  Though I'm not the only American!  There's another girl from California who's married to a German.  Dutch is entirely too much fun, and I love that everyone in the class is struggling but having a good time.  There are a couple of girls who are really good already, and one girl who literally cannot get Dutch to come out of her mouth.  Every time she tries it comes out as English.  In fact, most of the mistakes that I've heard so far are due to people putting Dutch words in English order.  Which is strange since Dutch and German are structurally very similar.  Verbs on the end and all that.  Then again, I imagine these girls have switched to "foreign language mode" which is, of course, English.  So it's bound to be difficult.  My "foreign language mode" is German, so I it's easier for me, I guess.

The photo also shows me on the day that I became legal in the Netherlands!  I took a train (or two) down to Rijswijk (near Den Haag) to apply for my residence permit.  I now have a sticker in my passport that says I've applied.  Which makes me legal!  Yay for legal immigration!  

Now for the introspection bit:

As some of you may have guessed, I've been having a bit of trouble lately.  Nothing major, just a total redefinition of who I thought I was.  Just your run of the mill identity crisis.  This is long overdue and I'm very happy that it's all falling down on me.  It hurts a lot, but in that awesome, dance-like way where you haven't danced or even stretched in a long long time and suddenly you jump back in with a major workshop at a higher level than you can actually do so every muscle is sore and you know they'll only get more sore and you just can't tell if you're following the moves or back leading but you just can't stop moving because the music is so good, and your dancing only ends up improving despite looking sort of silly now and then and tripping over the best lead's feet a hundred times and don't worry, you'll feel great after you sleep it all off.  I think most of you can relate (if you can follow my run-on there.)  

I feel like a big rock has just been taken off of me and I'm the shriveled yellow grass that's been dying underneath.  And it turns out I was the stupid blade who thought it would be safer under there.  So now I'm trying to figure out this whole sun and rain thing again.  Am I really grass?  Or am I, I dunno, a dandelion or a clover, or one of those weird purple flowers with the square stems?  Or any other variety of garden plant, exotic or otherwise?  I'll just have to wait until I'm green enough to find out.

Sitting by the Canal, Sipping Sambuca with Friends

A few things I have discovered about myself:

*  I have been living in a dream world most of my life

*  This world has served me well

*  This world has done me wrong

*  Sometimes dreams are useful

*  Sometimes dreams are just an excuse to lie in bed all day

*  I much prefer white wine

*  I can love much more deeply than I ever thought possible (not just romantically, my friends)

*  I really really don't like politics

*  I am not the person I thought I was

*  I can be the person I want to be

*  I am not as uncool or uninteresting as I think I am

*  Love has taken me and burst me open like a melon on the ground

*  I am grateful for this shattering of what I thought was my heart 

Good Luck and Tummy Aches

Looks like maybe I celebrated my cooking prowess too early.  I was sick all night!  I woke up at 10am and was back in bed by 11am.  And then slept until 2pm.  Bleh.  I don't know if I have a stomach bug, or used toxic amounts of garlic in my soup, or if the oysters are coming to get me from Saturday's dinner.  Either way.  Blech.

Despite that, today has been one of the more productive days I've had all week!  At least it seemed so.  I got up at 10 so I could look at another apartment in this building.  University housing wants me to stay in my box until February, so I asked the people who run the building itself if they had anything to offer.  And they did.  And it's great!  The room itself is literally twice as big as this one, AND it has a balcony which is (literally) more than half the size of my current room!  I told them I'd accept the offer, so come August I'll have a new, bigger, balconier room.  :-)  My mother doubted me.  Housing is REALLY hard to find here, they all told me.  HA!  Alhamdulillah, I'm good at this sort of thing!

After finally waking up, I felt a bit better and bought a chain for my bike.  So Roxanna now lives outside my window.  I also decided it was time to go for a ride, so I biked through Leiden for a long long time.  The weather today was perfect (nearly 80ºF, 26ºC) and I didn't die.  I realize I often think I'm much worse at things (like cooking and riding bikes) than I turn out to be in the end.  Trust in myself.  Something I didn't really think I'd have to cultivate.  But looks like I really need to work on it in some areas (not just cooking and fietsen.)  

I've been sitting in my window, wearing a bathrobe of sorts, reading Isherwood talk about Hinduism.  My tummy is much happier, though still not entirely sure of itself.  It's almost 9:30pm and the stupid sun doesn't realize it should go down, so it really looks like it's about 7pm.  Which is confusing.  

I want to go back to the sea.  I miss Robert.