Nkosi Sikelel' iAfrika

Friday Koos and I went to a party held by the South African Embassy.

It was in celebration of Freedom Day (actually on Monday, the 27th) which celebrated the 15th anniversary of democracy in South Africa. Kind of strange to think this was only their fourth election....

I had an amazing time! We drank South African wine, and mingled with all the people there. We spoke Afrikaans to real Afrikaners, and met some fascinating people. And they were all so excited to see other South Africans. And I was too! :-D We danced to an African band, and I chatted with different people. I was so happy to see the rainbow of people there! And everyone just assumed I was African too. :-)

Even met a UN judge! (Who told Koos I was pretty! ;-) )

Definitely a great way to celebrate!

Buscapades and Smoking Souls

Somehow it's that Wednesday/Thursday midnight divide again. How does time fly so fast? What have I been doing?

Monday, I had class at 3pm, and before and after that I have no memory of anything. I suppose I might have laid out in the sun on Koos' balcony, or...something? I don't know anymore.

Tuesday was quite an interesting day. Koos and I decided we wanted to see the tulips before they all vanished, but that we didn't want to go to the 15 Euro touristy place to do it. So we hopped a bus that circles the fields, in the hopes of seeing some tulips. And boy did we ever. This entire region seems to bloom in the spring. And not just red, all colors setting the fields on fire in little strips. Breath taking, truly.

We estimated that the trip would take about an hour, maybe an hour and a half. However, there was traffic. The queen was in town, which may or may not have added to the mayhem, but the fact remains that our hour tulip trek turned into a four hour adventure! I was quite content to point to things on the side of the road and ask Koos how to say them in Afrikaans, and he was quite content to tell me, so really, it turned into a great day!

And when the bus arrived at its end station, four hours later, we were literally only one train stop away from home!

Today has been a day. I woke up early and got some Egyptian done, but then I had art history class. I went, and realized that ancient Egyptian art, to me, is wonderously beautiful, and that this beauty, for me, is largely destroyed when the teacher tells us we have to pay careful attention to the angle of the eyebrows. For dating purposes. Gah. Who cares? I mean, I suppose plenty of people care, and that's great, but... eyebrow angles? I just can't see the forrest because of all these dang trees!

So, I'm currently in the midst of yet another crisis. Or well, the same one. It's all the same one. I realized today I'm probably getting close to the tail end of this particular crisis, because I can taste the solution. That little fire in my soul that made me say "THIS is what I must pursue" is just plain gone. I fully admit it now. I'm lost and floating, but at least the sun is shining. I know this little spark will come back. Maybe I just need to let things dry up so that when the Big U sends that inevitable bolt of lightning, my soul will be ready to go up in flames.

I did yoga again for the first time in too long. I'm slowly letting go of things I never thought I'd even loosen my grip on. And, yes, I think I might just be getting a tan.

When stress seems like it might become too much, I just imagine the waves, bright blue ones, breaking onto the sands.

Update

Life is good, man. I left class on Thursday convinced once again that I could do it! That I could pass these seemingly impossible exams, and learn Egyptian. Of course I can!

Thursday night's salsa lesson got a bit out of hand. The 45 min lesson has turned into a two hour jam session, and the teacher has kidnapped me as his personal assistant. I think everyone thinks that this is my first dance lesson ever and that I'm just a freakin dance genius. No one, including the teacher, seems to understand that I've been dancing since I was 3, and have been learning and teaching partnership dance for almost 7 years. But no one thinks of this, so when the teacher starts leading me in pretty complicated movements and I manage to follow it, everyone is amazed. In fact, he grabbed me at some point and we danced an entire song, just the two of us, basically performing. Talk about terrifying!

Of course, the natural performer in me is thrilled! ;-)

Friday, Koos and I went geocaching in Amsterdam. We spent most of the time at the station searching for clues, but we did wander through the famous bit of the city. The parts that smell distinctly green and feature women in windows. The best part was a man dancing and smiling with a staff topped with a light bulb, and a man walking resolutely down the street with a pot of purple flowers balanced expertly on his head. This is what I miss about big cities: the "crazy" people. I love the people most people consider to be crazy.

We also dropped my Mac at the Mac store. Apparently it needs a new hard drive AND a new mother board. Awesome. Though, I still have Apple Care, so it's free. Still, I'm Macless for a few days. We also sat in the warm sun and drank coffee and ate tasty sandwiches and watched the mad world fly by.

Amsterdam (by day) isn't as bad as I had feared.

Saturday Koos was gone off geocaching somewhere, so I went shopping. Market day was sunny, so I HAD to be out amongst em. I didn't buy too much stuff, just some mushrooms and some poffertjes (pancake) mix. However, I did buy a grill to use on Koos' rooftop terrace! :-D Too bad they didn't have any cheap portobellos this week at market! :-P

Today has been a bit rough on me. I was just sort of sad all day, for no real reason. But, in the end, I managed to get my Egyptian translated with very little trouble, and I feel tons better about it all. Koos and I chatted with my folks for a while too (on the terrace) and that tends to put me in a good mood.

And tomorrow is another day.

On Stripping Bark From Myself

(for Jane who says trees die from it)

because women are expected to keep silent about
their close escapes I will not keep silent
and if I am destroyed (naked tree!) someone will please
mark the spot where I fall and know I could not live
silent in my own lies
hearing their "how nice she is!"
whose adoration of the retouched image
I so despise

No. I am finished with living
for what my mother believes
for what my father and brother defend
for what my lover elevates
for what my sister, blushing, denies or rushes
to embrace.

I find my own
small person
a standing self
against a world
an equality of wills
I finally understand

Besides:

My struggle was always against
an inner darkness: I carry within myself
the only known keys
to my death-- to unlock life, or close it shut forever
A woman who loves wood grains, the color yellow
and the sun
I am happy to fight
all outside murderers
as I see I must.

--Alice Walker

Sunsets and Johnny Walker

Ach, what a day! I spent much of it on Koos' roof terrace, soaking in the warm sunshine that Dutch spring is offering me and trying to finish up my Dutch book. I went to class, and though it was a touch boring, I enjoyed my ride there. I have another flat tire, so I took the bus, and chatted with an Indonesian friend of mine.

I came back and climbed onto the terrace again. Koos was off in Den Haag, voting (today was the absentee voting day for the SA presidential elections) but the sun was calling to me.

I was lying there in the sun when I noticed a guy standing on the steps, taking pictures of the city. I told him to climb on over and join me, so he did. His name is Colin and he's an American (New Yorker) studying political science. We sat and talked for a while, and discovered that we're actually neighbors! Small world! He went back to his apartment for some refreshment, and we drank whiskey and coke, and fed the ducks bread from the roof, and talked politics, and watched the sun set over the dunes and the lights of Den Haag grow brighter.

Koos came back and the three of us chatted a bit, and then Colin left and Koos and I chatted with his (Koos') sister on Skype. I'm getting to where I can allllmost understand Afrikaans most of the time, but every time she talked to me, I froze. :-P Oh well, she seems nice, and is definitely cute. :-)

Now I'm reading my book (only 2 chapters to go!!) and contemplating the world. Mostly, my world. See next entry.

Weekly Horoscope

LIBRA (September 23-October 22): Two weeks ago, we discussed the spinning-of-wheels at a time when whatever you were working seemed to have hit a frustration point. By the end of the upcoming week, Libra, that sentiment should seem like such ancient history, you may barely remember ever having been stuck. Your ruler Venus is finally restoring herself to forward-facing (read: non-retrograde) dignity… and along with a rambunctious, I'll-try-any-new-technique-once Mars-Uranus conjunction, virtually guarantees a gale-force-wind-strength gust of fresh air into all 6th-house matters (including day-to-day workload, household chore list, physical self-care routine, and anything else that often qualifies as drudgery or discipline). To make yourself feel better, you really must understand that nothing about these past two months would legitimately qualify as 'spinning your wheels'… though I'll validate the emotional experience of it sure must've seemed stifling, baffling or deflating. What was really going on was more an elimination of ineffective options, combined with a necessary building-up of dissatisfaction with status-quos, in order to inspire thebreakthrough I expect you're presently bringing forth. And now you may run with it! One caveat: Mars and Uranus in the 6th can also carry unpredictable expressions of physical energy in or through the body, which can sometimes manifest as accidents or injuries. I surely don't want to breed paranoia, but if you are 'running with it' (in any literal or proverbial sense), please take care not to trip over anything or twist your ankle.

www.astrobarry.com

Ducks 'n Dunes

Well, I'm moved in to my newest flat in the Netherlands.  I'm frankly a bit terrified of this new spot.  I haven't had an honest to goodness roommate since freshman year of college.  I don't really know what to do with myself.  I've only met my roommate once, briefly, and I feel sort of like I'm intruding on her space.  My half of the room is empty and grey, and hers is decorated and clearly hers.  She's not here now, and I'm sort of afraid for her to find me here, working at my desk!  Even though it is MY desk!

No worries though.  I have a balcony, which is pretty sweet, and it looks out over a canal where ducks particularly love to splash about.  I can't really argue with duck filled canal views.  I can also see the dunes from here (same as the ones pictured here.)  They aren't quite as close up and visible and such, but it's still pretty nifty to think that my balcony looks out onto the sea!  I can't see it, but I KNOW it's there, and that's a comfort.  

Today has been good.  I've spent most of it organizing my junk, and getting it ready for the move.  Koos and I did hang out on his upstairs, awesome, roof terrace, and met his neighbors who are both Americans who study linguistics.  We drank port, ate brie and honey, and watched the sun set over the dunes.  Ahh, life doesn't really get much better than that!

And the sun shone again today.  The past two days have been rather odd, with a thick white haze covering the entire world.  And chilly.  But today I was able to wear my favorite green skirt, and a bright green scarf as a top, and sandals.  I felt Caribbean again, and I miss that feeling!  :-D

Now, I'm sitting alone in my new room, getting ready to translate the Westcar papyrus.  Not sure whether I should hope my roomie is a goody goody or a party girl!  :-P

Laying the Macks Low!

Koos and I went to Delft Saturday. Geocaching. The weather was PERFECT. I was a bit too warm in my jeans! Me, a bit too warm! :-P We wandered all over that city, looking for clues, and little hidden treasures. In the end we only found two; the third one, the big one, seems to have been removed or stolen or something. Maybe we had the wrong spot. Didn't matter, it was a great day anyway. At one point we had to find a name on a statue in the middle of the market. Of course, since it was market day, there were tons of people about, and tons of people eating kibbeling on the statue, and lots of little kids climbing around. The name was hard to find, so we looked slightly crazy. :-P

At one point we saw a mother duck and her ducklings, and we stopped to watch them swim happily and chirpily past. However, things took a rather sinister turn when a male duck suddenly attacked the mother! The poor babies just huddled together in a confused little clump of fur. The mom was doing alright until two MORE male ducks joined in the scuffle! I was distraught! They were all on top of her, pushing her under the water, and I was just moments away from jumping into the canal, when the scuffle came close to me. So, I grabbed a nearby stick and managed to get them off of her. She was literally almost drowned! Could barely stay afloat, so I lept the males away while she recovered a bit,and while she collected her brood and limped off. I just kept splashing and yelling and swinging my stick until the male dusks went off in the opposite direction.

All the while I was thinking: this is just nature, I shouldn't interfere. Then I decided: hell, I'm also part of nature, so I have every right to do what I want here! I was so convinced the female was going to drown! So I did. I was prepared to jump into that canal and scoop everyone of those fuzzballs up if mamma duck had drowned! Maternal insticts, ahoy!

After a long day of Delft, sunlight, secret treasure, and epic battles for survival, Koos and I went to an ISN-R pool tournament at 't Keizertje. It was pretty intense, with very strict, professional rules. Koos and I played the best game of the tournament, and though we lost, we lost in such a great way (Koos got the black ball in, we win! the whole bar cheers, however, the white ball goes in too, we lose! the whole bar groans!) they let us come back in the next round. After that game, the tournament really heated up, with everyone on their feet, taking pictures, talking and laughing. Before that there had been silence. It was a great time, and I think we're going to do it again. :-)

Yesterday, Koos and I had plans to go to the beach, but it turned out to be a sort of foggy day so we organized my stuff, and moved his stuff instead. Wild and wooly, I know. But I'm mostly organized, and I've gotten rid of about half of my clothes, and there's more to come because there are plenty of shirts and things that I don't plan on taking back to the states with me.

In other news, I don't like cricket; I love it.

Geocaching in South Afrika

I almost forgot:  Koos did an interview for a Dutch podcast about Geocaching in South Afrika!  It's in Dutch though, sorry.  Well, Dutch with an Afrikaans accent!  ;-)   (He's the guy after the Wijnproeven bit.)

Radio Rooibos: Interview with Koos van Zyl

Speak to Me, Big U!

It rained yesterday, and my bike had a flat tire.  This sounds like the start of a sad story, but it's not.  I took the bus to city hall, got my Dutch social security number, reopened my bank account, and made it to class with 30 min to spare! Whoo!  This would have been quite a victory had class not been cancelled.  (I knew it was cancelled, too, I just got so caught up in my housing crisis that I forgot.)

I went to stand on the bridge to wait for Koos.  Janko walked by and asked if I was about to have a photo shoot and said I looked pretty amazing.  I suppose it was a nice look: long black coat, black shoes, red umbrella, matching gloves, long dark hair, and the stark white bridge behind me.  :-P

Koos and I went on some errand or the other related to geocaching.  We met the coolest man.  He's just a geocacher, who helps other geocachers with their gear. He was just so animated, and there were just so many pictures of cats around the room, you couldn't help but like the guy. He gave Koos a lot of free stuff, and sent us on our way.  We had coffee at the Catwalk, then met up with Cindy again for a little while.

Today I have been running non stop since 8am.  Archaeology class first thing.  We watched videos of Egyptian potters, which was nice.  Afterwards I made a few runs between my old apartment and my storage apartment.  It's actually a really nice deal:  Koos is moving to a room upstairs, and since it's a long weekend, for the next few days, he has TWO apartments!  Which is  perfect, since I get my key tomorrow! :-)  Koos joined me and we made a rather ridiculous, but highly entertaining run from my apartment pushing a shopping cart full of my junk.  It really saved us, since I've used a car the other times I've moved.  My biking skills are highly impressive, at least to myself.  I got my housing contract signed, so I am no longer homeless, yay.  I moved more stuff.  

Then Koos and I went to salsa lessons at the sportscenter.   I had a good time, though the lessons aren't exactly taught the way I would want to teach them.  My only problem really is that it's not really about teaching lead-follow, but rather just about dancing.  So it looks like you're doing salsa, but you're not really doing it based on actual partnership. But what do I know, it's only the first lesson, so I can't judge it!

Besides, after the class the teacher came up to me and danced with me a little. He then told me I was very talented and asked me to come to his intermediate and advanced classes on Monday.  He said he'd like to train me a little, and then have me teach with him!!! Whoa!  This was, technically, my first salsa lesson, ever!!  :-D I was actually very flattered, because he approached me first in Spanish!  I suppose he thought I was a Latina! :-P

The sports center is also offering bellydance lessons, so I suppose I'll have to check those out too!  Maybe I'll get another teaching job!  

Maybe the Big U is trying to tell me something....

Beaurocratic Zen

This has been a stressful week, and it's only Tuesday!!

First let me say that Sunday was very nice.  Jan and me and everybody went to Katwijk for dinner on the beach (Koos was geocaching in the center of Holland.)  It was a good time, though a little chilly, but as the sun set we (and we = about 20 people) found a restaurant to take over and drink hot chocolate and coffie and such.  Sunday was good.

On Monday I was woken up by a call from the people who own my room.  Aparently, the girl who had the room before me wasn't supposed to rent it to me in the first place.  But, the main problem is, I have to rent the room for at least a year.  Since I'll be leaving in August, I don't qualify for the room, so I have to leave.  By Friday.  Awe. Some. Ouch.

I know for a fact that there are 18 empty apartments in Koos' building.  This is great. The building is nice, and in a good location, and though I'll have to have a roommate, it's still pretty great.  So, I went today to get a contract figured out.  

Here's the great part.  To get a contract signed, I have to pay them various costs, which means I need a bank account that works.  Recently, my bank account was suspended because I haven't given them my BSN (which is a Dutch social security number.)  To get my BSN I just have to go to city hall and show my passport and prove that I have an address in Leiden.  Which means showing them my signed contract....oh dear.

Fortunately, the housing people gave me a piece of paper that they said should suffice, and they told me to get the city hall people to call if I have any troubles.  So, that's what's in store for me tomorrow.  Running to city hall, running to the bank, not to mention class.  Ahhh, paper work.

The rest of my week will be dedicated to moving...AGAIN. Not a week after I was officially moved IN to my new place!  And it gets more complicated:  Koos went with me to get the paper work figured out, and decided to get a new apartment in the building since there's a really sweet apartment on the roof (corner apartment, so more windows, and access to the roof, so sunning space! and midday sun instead of morning sun.)  He moves on Friday.  But since I have to move BEFORE Friday, and my apartment isn't available until the 16th, I'm moving my stuff to Koos' current apartment for storage, and then I'll get to move it to his new apartment, then to my new apartment.  

Good god, this is getting obscene.   This will be my 5th apartment here since June!!  

Oh well, at least Koos got a niiiice apartment out of it all! :-P  

In other news I bought a mini-oven today for 15 euro and I'm thrilled.  Now that I've had a few months at a place that had a mini-oven,I'm just plain addicted to baking things.  Portobello mushrooms, potatoes, pizza, fish sticks, I mean, the possibilities are nigh endless.  

Met up with Cindy and Koos and we discussed an Afrikaans poem she has to do a presentation on.  Koos did a recording of himself reading it (he has a very nice voice for such things) and translated it for her.  :-)

Now, I'm going to go read Alice in Wonderland and get my mind off the craziness around me.  Fortunately, there hasn't been any panic.  I've been calmly handling all the wackiness.  :-P

Politicians Don't Wear Knickers

The Universe moves in such strange ways.  I mean, really, it amazes me.  I've always been a magnet for strange things, strange happenings, strange people.  I suppose the only real secret to this that I crave these strange things, and when they come I revel in them.  When it comes to the strange people, I think they really appreciate it, and maybe they see in me someone who will accept them in all their strangeness.  Maybe the strange things and the strange happenings feel the same way.

Nothing amazingly strange happened today.  Koos and I went to the market to buy more portobello mushrooms (which are quickly becoming our favorite weekend treat) and other veggies.  The grocery store near me doesn't carry lentils OR chick peas, so I was searching the market for these things and found a treasure:  black beans!  In Europe, black beans are extremely rare.  I've been searching for them since I arrived here (since black beans are a major staple of my diet) and today I found them!  I went to the stand that sells the Middle Eastern stuff (rightfully assuming that they'd have the other things I wanted) and boom, black beans!  Alhamdulillah!  (They also had some of the most amazing olives I've ever tasted!)  So I came home with all sorts of dried amazing foods: lentils, black beans, couscous.  :-)  Good day!

Koos and I also got some strawberries and koffie and he spoke Afrikaans to me while we ate.  He spoke Afrikaans to me pretty much all day.  He's trying to teach me, and though I fear I'll NEVER be able to pronounce it (Afrikaans = one of the most impossibly unpronouncable languages ever, for me at least.  I can't even say Koos' name right...) I can understand it more and more.  Koos gave me two Afrikaans books as presents so I can practice.  He's even reading one of them to me so I can hear the language more often.  So cool!  :-)

But, yes, the Universe is strange.  Koos and I were standing outside of a store that had just closed, looking in the window when a man came up and started talking to us.  It was pretty clear pretty quickly that he was odd.  Possibly slightly insane.  But these are my favorite people, so Koos and I chatted with him for quite a long time about Delft, and Russian women (he had just been stood up by one, and wasn't too pleased with them as a species.)  The man kept pulling strange things out of his bag; an atlas, a CD of African music, a jar of instant coffee.  In the end he gave me the CD, gave Koos the coffee, pocketed the atlas, and told us we MUST go to Delft to "start over again."

If that isn't the voice of the Big U, I don't know what is!  Koos and I have decided to check out Delft next weekend! 

Tarika is the band, and the music is pretty great!  (It even has a song with talking drums!  They say weird things like "Wide boy!" "Cabbage" and "Politicians don't wear knickers!" but who am I to judge?"

Solar Powered Kitty

My friends have always joked that I'm a solar powered cat.   They're right.  I'm like a cold blooded cat; I'm comfiest, and happiest curled up beneath a warm sun.  :-)

Fortunately, Holland has finally decided to love me, and the weather has been perfect and sunny and warm.

Koos and I went to the lake near where we live, the Valkenburgse meer.  There weren't many people there, just a few walking their dogs.  We played frisbee and sat on a blanket (ok, towel, but one Douglas Adams would be proud of.  Koos is a frood who really knows where his towel is...) and ate pannenkoeken (crêpes) with honey and chocolate, and laughed at the crazy dogs running around.  We walked around the lake for a while, feeding pannekoek to the bleshoenders (lit. bald chickens in Afrikaans, and I don't know the English or Dutch for it.)  Bleshoenders are much more fun to feed than ducks because when the pannekoek sinks they dive for it!  :-D

On Wednesday I started a new class.  Egyptian Art History.  In Dutch.  It seems like it'll be a pretty interesting class, and just about everyone in the Egyptology department is in there.  Wednesday night Yohann, Koos and I finally moved all my stuff from Janos' apartment (and Yohann's....)  I'm officially moved in to my new home!  Almost 2 months after starting to live there....

Thursday was a library day.  I had another new class in the morning: Egyptian archaeology.  BoooOOOoooorrrinng.  So far.  At lunch I ran into Jan, and the two of us spent the afternoon in the library.  It was the first truly gorgeous day of spring, and I spent most of it inside.  No worries, really, because since my bike tire is flat, I've been walking everywhere.  And my Uni classes are all 30 min from where I live, so I get to spend a little time soaking in the sun.

Today has been slow, and amazing.  I woke up late, and was supposed to watch cricket with Koos, but instead I decided to take my bike in to get the tire fixed, finally.  Today was breathtaking.  Warm, and sunny, and just great.  For the first time I just wore a sweater, no scarf, no coat!!  :-D  

After dropping off my bike, I went to the Catwalk and got an iced coffee.  There were people everywhere!  Sitting in boats along the canal, walking, talking, eating ice cream.  It's a beautiful sight.  (I zoned out watching the sunlight sparkle on the water.) 

I realized today just how connected to the sun I am.  I've been bummed out all winter, and I've blamed it on the awful weather, and now I can safely say it might just be true.  Of course, my life has gotten better in general: academically, emotionally, socially, everything, so maybe my elevated mood is more related to this.  But I still haven't felt this rush of joy in a while, this feeling of freedom, of being connected.  I sat down on a bench by the canal and watched the boats go by, and I realized just how truly beautiful this town is.  

Of course, this realization, which I suppose I've always known, feels like something of a failure.  I feel that I should be able to beat my hatred of winter, my fear of short sunless days, but I have simply not been able to.  On the other hand, I have at least come to accept my dislike of these things, and I no longer try to avoid it.  Negative feelings, my zen teachings tell me, are just as valid as positive feelings.  And just as meaningless, in the grand scheme. 

Still, to finally be able to shake the slow cold that has clung to my bones for months, to finally be able to open my eyes and see the world through sunlit eyes instead of through the fog of mist and rain and sadness, it fills me with such hope and wonder and joy. I feel like a child again, laughing at ducks, smiling at (with) strangers, singing out loud in Afrikaans.  

I bought coconut shampoo and red nail polish to help the sun inside me rise higher.