A Special Burn on Sunsets

Ever notice how people who go to Africa always have their picture taken with bunches of African children?  (And then they make that their Facebook profile pic?)  It makes me wonder if the airports hire children to stand around for photo ops for tourists.  

But that's neither here nor there.

Today I wore a headscarf and red lipstick.  Not for any particular reason (though the lipstick did match the scarf rather well.)  And I got looked at a bunch on the street.  Not in the "holy weirdness, why is she wearing a headscarf" sort of way.  There are A LOT of Muslims around.  Head coverings of all sorts are normal.  I think I was just rockin it.  :-)

I sat on the hill by the fort for a while and worked on some Egyptian.  It was such a beautiful day.  Sunny and warm, with only a slight breeze.  Perfect. 

I've noticed that this time it's harder.  Moving around has never been a problem for me.  Loneliness is the major problem, and I have always cherished it.  Loneliness has always been my favorite teacher.  But it's getting harder.  Maybe because I've been so isolated for the past year.  Maybe because I got such a wonderful taste of being with people while I was in K-town.  I mean, really being with people.  Not just having fun with friends, but really really loving them.  The painful love as well as the pleasant.  As much as I still look forward to the lessons of solitude, I feel a deep sense of separation and a longing to have people near.  Don't read this as depression.  I'm not sad.  Just missing those who are far from me who I would have near.

In other news, I made lentil soup today which was AWESOME despite a tomato crisis early in the game.  This is me changing.  I may never be like Megan who can McGyver up the best meal ever out of turnips and gumdrops, but I will never again consider myself inept in the kitchen.

"Here I sit between my brother, the mountain, and my sister, the sea.  We three are one in  loneliness and the love that binds us together is deep and strong and strange." --Khalil Gibran

Soy de afuera.

"She left one man, then another, then traveled with the first.  She lost one child to 'history', one to 'complications.'  She is afraid of the dark, afraid not to dream.  And though she cannot help getting hurt, she is still reaching out for one dream that will never betray her."

This post might be introspective.   Just thought I should warn you.  I blame it on the book I read today.  The quote above comes from the back.  It's called "A Book of Common Prayers" and it about a woman who never really gets a grip on her life.  The topic is not exactly why I'm in such an introspective mood (though I'd be blind if I didn't recognize myself in the main character to some extent.)  The book was just written in that vague poetry that always sort of turns my mind inside out and spinning. 

(I had hoped to write something myself about how much of my life is spent chasing sunlight, or maybe about how small European towns multiply in my mind until my life is just lots of narrow cobbled streets and orange roofs in the afternoon sun.)

I spent the first bit of today in bed.  Awake, just staring at the ceiling.  It was my first full day alone, so I cleared my mind, and welcomed myself to my new place.  And was really lazy.  When I finally got out of bed I went shopping for groceries and for a lock or two for Roxanna.  Sundays around here are amazing.  In Germany everything is closed, but here everyone is out on the street.  It makes more sense, of course, to have all the shops open on the day that people are actually free to shop.  The shops are all closed Monday morning.  They get their break.  

I found a bunch of locks but didn't buy one since I was only comparison shopping.  Wanted to get an idea of what a good lock will cost.  Apparently they range from €3 to €75.  Which just simply isn't helpful.  I suppose I'll shoot for around €15.  No use buying a lock that costs more than the bike!

I then proceeded to make a shockingly awesome meal.  I don't consider myself very anything in the kitchen (except in the way) and while Robert was here I made the poor man cook everything.  But today I whipped up a rockin little Rendang Veggie with chickpeas, green beans, potatoes, onions, garlic and some Rendang sauce (complete with coconut milk, yum!)  It was really rather tasty too!  I was shocked that I had made something that didn't look like a peanut butter sandwich (or spaghetti.)  Confidence boost achieved.

I then spent the rest of the day sitting on the hill by the fort reading by vaguely depressing book.  It wasn't really depressing at all, just confusing.  But the sun felt wonderful, and the wind wasn't so bad, and I really realized what an awesome city I live in.  And get to live in for a while.  I just don't know if I'm going to leave Europe this time.

I never meant to hide

No, I have not been eaten by the Dutch underworld.  I'm just bad at updating.  I've had company.  There was very little time to update while mom was here, and then Robert came along.  He showed up on Tuesday afternoon, and we all went to the Hague for the evening.  The day was quite lovely, and we got back to Leiden and wanted food.  Mom wanted to sleep.  Unfortunately, Robert and I waited a bit too long to get out, and all the kitchens were closed.  So we wandered up and down the Niewe Rijn, the main canal near me.  And there was performance "art."  They had blocked off the canal and there were women (mostly, I think) dressed in great fluffy white cupcake looking dresses, and men in suits freaking out, and some guy in a mask who fell into the canal.  And a guy paddling a bed down the canal.  It was nuts, but quite a bit of fun.  The streets were packed with people too, and they loved it.

Robert and I also made a pilgrimage to the beach.  It was amazingly windy, but absolutely gorgeous.  I have never been so cold on a beach, but it was worth it.  You walk over these beautiful, grassy dunes, and there's the sea, green-ish grey, blue sky, white sands, and all over colorful wind surfing parachutes.  Just gorgeous.  We played in the tide pools and splashed a bit in the water, but mostly we walked up and down the windy beaches, or we sat in a little shelter to hide from the wind and the blowing sand.  The sand was really rather brutal.  My legs were nicely exfoliated.  I think I still have sand in my hair.  :-)

I've spent the past few days just sort of hanging around my new town with my old friend.  I haven't seen Robert in over a year, and it was nice to get back into the swing of the friendship, and really nice to see how he's changed.  Made it clear how much I've changed.  (And in some ways how I still need to change.)  We went on a nifty loop tour of the city and discovered some really awesome stuff like a fort (with a statue of a large tube of tooth paste, for some reason) and another windmill (my city has two that I know of.)  It's good to have him so close again.

I also managed to find a bike.  Bikes are extremely important here, but they're also extremely expensive.  Robert and I had looked at a very rickety one with a flat tire and a broken basket for 95 Euro.  Dat is niet leuk.  But we found a tiny little used bike shop and repair down by the Moorish Gate (which used to be called the Gallows Gate, because it led to the hanging fields.  Leuk.)  The guy was really nice, and even spoke to me in Dutch before switching to English.  I told him I wanted a decent bike with foot brakes that would go and stop.  And he found me a great little dinky bike with non-flat tires, a working light, foot brakes, and a really nifty kick stand for 60 Euro.  It didn't have a seat, but he found one for me for no extra charge, which I thought was rather something of him.  He was very kind and very open, and he told me to come back today to test the bike out.  He spent yesterday fixing it up and cleaning it, and getting it ready for me, and he called when it was ready.  And I liked it. 

I think I'm going to call it Roxanna.  I don't know why.  The name just came to me as I was walking down the street and I thought "Roxanna is a great name for a bike."  She is blue.  I don't have a lock for her yet and if you leave your bike unlocked it simply WILL get stolen here, so she's living in my kitchen.  Which is...cozy.  

Robert left me around noon-ish today, and so I just sort of bummed around.  I went to the market and played, and got my bike all nice, and posted pictures.  I spent my evening with Keith, my British neighbor.  He made some pretty rockin seafood (market day, you see) including oysters, and we sat out on his terrace and talked to the people in the cafe.  And then we ate raspberries and cream and talked about Terry Pratchett.  Haha, so much fun having an amazingly eccentric neighbor.

Tomorrow will be my first full day here alone (unless you count Roxanna.)  And I plan on sleeping in.  A lot.  But I'm sure I'll find something to blog about.  :-)

High Atop Kilimanjaro

Amelia has informed me that there have been tumble weeds here on the plains of South Blogonia.  Sorry.  I've been too busy trying to eke out some living space in my flat that I haven't had a chance to post.  The place is getting close to livable now!  I didn't have any drawers, so my mother, who is brilliant, suggested I get a bunch of baskets to put my stuff in.  Now my bookshelf is gorgeous.  Multi-colored baskets.  I even have a huge red basket for the top of my closet with my scarves and dance clothes.  Ten times better.

I've nicknamed my bed Kilimanjaro because it it literally 10 ft off the floor.  I'm currently trying to come up with a good nickname for my room.  Any suggestions?  I don't want it to be anything too depressing.  I've thought about "The Cage" or "The Closet"  but those are too obviously complain-y.  I want something witty and subtle, like "The Bat Cave" or "Lichtenstein."  So, my friends, please let me know if you can think of a good, tongue-in-cheek, not-too-depressing nickname for my 10ft by 10ft flat.

I have met some friends though.  I was peacefully napping when I heard voices outside in the hall.  I stuck my head out and found a group of three chatting.  There was Keith who lives across the hall.  48.  London.  Astrophysicist.  Also Elena, 20-something, Greek, Far Eastern Linguist.  And Rob, 20-something, North Carolina, Lawyer.  I stepped out in the hall and chatted with them for a while, and then we all went outside and drank some wine.  On Keith's terrace.  Keith and Rob both have HUUUUGE apartments.  Like, literally 3 times the size of mine.  Maybe 4.  And they have terraces that open into the courtyard.  They only pay about $150 more than I do.  Bum.  Elena apparently pays what I do, but her apartment is %50-%75 bigger than mine.  I'm thinking of complaining.  

The place is growing on me, though.  Just not literally.  Too bad.

Last night I went to a party.  A German girl and her Danish boyfriend of 8 years got married a few weeks ago and they had a Hey-We're-Married party.  I met some fun folks.  Greeks, Czechs, Germans.  I think I'm going to have entirely too much fun here soon.  :-D

Today we went to the market.  Saturday is market day, and the city comes out.  Keith, my British neighbor took mom and me to see it.  The market lines the canal around the corner.  In true market fashion they sell everything from produce to shampoo and back again.  Also fresh fish, which is something this land locked girl just doesn't get enough of.  Mom and Keith and I wandered, and then mom and I set off on our own to get dinner for tomorrow (everything is closed on Sunday) and to get the aforementioned baskets.  We spent the day shopping and people watching.  I think today was the first day we were both good and rested.  We've both been a bit snippy but today we had a lot of fun.  Dinner and ice cream.

Here's a band we saw playing during the market.  :-)

Now we're chillin in my kitchen-corner listening to the neighbors watch the Netherlands-Russia match.  I think listening to the neighbors is probably just as fun as watching the match itself.  There are also fireworks, or at least explosions, but we don't know what that means.  :-)  Tomorrow is Sunday, which means nothing will be open, and it's supposed to rain anyway.  We might go to church since there's a really cool one across the street and mom wants to hear religious Dutch.  So, until I find time to blog again... pictures can be found on Facebook.

Leiden

I'm here.  Finally here in this strange little world I've just sort of thrown myself into.  My first spotting of the Netherlands was, of course, windmills.  In the ocean.  IN. the. OCEAN.  Whoa.  

I stumbled my way through Amsterdam and found the train to take me home.  New home.  Leiden is awesome.  The streets are narrow and twisting, weaving in and out of each other as they please.  Toss in a canal here and there.  Everywhere.  Cool.  It's a small town, but so far I feel just like I did in any one of Berlin's quarters.  There are just so many people out and about.  And most of them are on bikes.  Stereotypes that turn out to be true!  I've seen more bikes here than in all of my life combined.  And I don't know that that's an exaggeration.  

My apartment is tiny.  Tiny compared to tiny.  Mom and I decided it was probably about 100 square feet.  9-ish square m!  My apartment in Berlin was 72 square m!  That's 775 square ft.  I'm paying more for this apartment and I have 1 eighth the space.  Also, I sleep over my kitchen.  And bathroom.  I am, unhappy with that.  In fact, I've been rather bummed about it.  But add to that the fact that I haven't slept in two nights and I'm pretty content that this is only an annoying situation.  After a rather exhausting afternoon/evening of running around Leiden trying to get keys and leases and taxis and baggage, I had a mini meltdown when I realized it was only 12:30pm.  However, I have since napped, showered and, alhamdulillah, brushed my teeth, and I'm feeling like a cheerful human again.

I realized that there have been very few times in my life where I have said to myself "Well, this wasn't nearly as awesome as I had hoped."  In fact, most of my life has been me saying "Holy wow, this is ten times more awesome than I had hoped."  So a little disappointment won't kill me.  Plus, my lease runs out August 17th, so I'm hardly trapped here.  

I have been rather taken aback by how foreign I feel here.  Not so foreign, I guess.  This place is really just a strangely spelled, friendly Germany.  But I just don't speak the language all that well.  I did talk to a guy about my cell phone only in Dutch, which was fabulously gratifying, but the reality is, I can't just calmly prattle.  I have to think.  A lot.  Which I haven't had to do in a country I've lived in since middle school.  That's a good 12 years of feeling completely comfortable with my linguistic abilities.  I'm totally stoked to get to be the funny sounding foreign kid who messes up all the verb tenses and idioms.

My horoscope for the week is perfect, and so I shall post it:  "I'm hoping that six months from now, you'll look back and make the following declaration: 'It's so funny that in order to find out where I truly belong, I had to change my ideas about where I truly belong.  Feeling at home on this planet and in this life wasn't possible until I got cured of my delusions about what it would feel like to be at home on this planet and in this life.  I had to lose some of my certainties in order to gain more security."  (www.freewillastrology.com)