Magic

I'm going to start focusing this blog on the magical stuff that happens to me daily, rather than just the stuff that happens.  I'll update the important stuff, but the magical will take precedence over the mundane.

Monday's magic took the form of major thunderstorms.  This is not something that happens often in Holland.  I stood on Koos' terrace, and watched the lightning striking the sea far away.  I could see the storm approaching, and I sat in silence and let it overtake me.  Lightning everywhere, thunder growing louder, and then suddenly wind so strong it threatened to carry me away with it, rain so hard I was soaked through almost the moment it started falling.  I leaned against the wind, and felt the storm pulling on my hair, my face, my skirt, and just breathed in the wildness and the power of it.  I was terrified.  

Later, around 4am, I was woken by the wind and the rain and flashing lights in the sky.  Like a strobe light, almost silent, only occasional bursts of thunder, but truly awesome.  Trees fell.

I went to yoga Monday afternoon, and on the way I found another 13 playing cards. Literally, 13 of them!  (5 of spades, 4 of diamonds, 3 of clubs, 10 of clubs, 2 of clubs, 9 of clubs, queen of clubs, king of spades, 10 of spades, 7 of spades, 7 of diamonds, 3 of hearts, ace of diamonds.)  Wild, really.  I found a tarot spread and attempted to interpret them, haha.  I suppose there were some truths there.

I've missed the dance of the gods.  Glad they walked abroad this week.

In other news:  I took the GRE yesterday.  Gotta do it if you want to go to grad school in the States, and I might.  Got an 1160, (680 verbal, 480 math) which I'm happy with.  I know it's not as good as I could have done, but since I didn't do one minute's worth of preparation, I'm pleased.  SUPER pleased with the math; haven't done math (more complicated than calculating a tip) since 2003, I think.  Go me.  :-D

Alexander the Great

When Alexander the Great became king of Macedonia, all the great philosophers of the time rushed to befriend him.  Having himself studied under Aristotle, Alexander considered the knowledge the philosophers had to offer as being one of the keys to his success as a ruler of Macedonia, and, perhaps, the world.  All of the great philosophers came rushing to greet him, except one.  Diogenes, the hermit.

So Alexander went to Diogenes to see what wisdom he could glean from the man.  He found the philosopher sunning himself.  The hermit shaded his eyes and stared at the young king for some time.  When Alexander finally asked him "What can I do for you?"  Diogenese replied, "You are blocking the sun.  Please move to one side." 

When others criticized the philosopher, Alexander is said to have responded: "You may say what you like, but if I weren't Alexander, I would like to be Diogenes."

If I weren't the most powerful man in the world, I'd like to be the man who could brush the most powerful man in the world aside.

Night Caching

Spent the day working on Sinuhe (only 3.5 pages to go!!) and helping Koos solve geocaching puzzles.  Well, more or less.  Some of those things are HARD.

I went to a belly dance class, which promises to be more fun than most of the classes I've taken.  In my experience, belly dance classes are either an opportunity for the teacher to wiggle, or the same exercises every week.  This class is a choreography, so there's some wiggle room, if you will.  The other girls are all beginners, so I'm not sure yet if it's the best teaching strategy, but I think everyone will have fun.  Which is the point, really.

At 9pm Koos came over and told me to dress warmly, and in dirty jeans.  We then cycled to his friend, Milli's house and went night caching with her, her son, and his friend.  We drove to Den Haag and went treasure hunting in the woods on the dunes.  For a night cache, you follow a path of little reflective pins stuck in trees (we are assured that this causes only minimal, non dangerous damage to the tree) to a little hidden box.  When you find the box, you sign a log book, and exchange trinkets, and life is good. 

It was a lot of fun, too!  Tromping around a dark, sandy forest, the wind and the ocean in your ears, searching the night for little pinpricks of light no one else sees.  Awesome.  There were some pretty freaky trees that had been taken over by caterpillars.  Leafless things, with webs and yellow worms squirming.  Apparently, the caterpillars have a poisonous fur, so if you touch them, you get a little itchy rash.  This makes them the most dangerous wild animal in the forest, according to Milli.  There are no bobcats or coyotes or bears or rattlesnakes in Holland.

In other news:  What is this a picture of?  It's supposed to be something very common, and once you see it there should be no doubt as to what it is.  (Like you won't say: "Hmm, could be a woman lying in a tiny tent."  You'll just KNOW.)  

I don't have the solution, so if you figure it out, let me know.  I've stared at it for hours!

Sinuhe on Fire!

Been an interesting, and rather stressful week.  But first I want to mention a cool dream I had last week.  In the dream, I was sitting at a table in a forest with two other women.  I said to them "The man who is going to kill me is coming, but not to do me harm."  I turned around and saw a teenager coming towards us.  He asked both of the other women what they did, to which they both responded, "Fortune telling, and reading the coconut (whatever that's supposed to mean.)"  He asked me the same, and I said "Seeing the future, and reading dreams."  I then started telling him about his life, and about his mother, and all his sorrows, and he started crying.  Out of nowhere, a solider appeared and attacked the boy, dragging him away from me.  (Later, I walked by the room where the boy was being held and saw the soldier, who I recognized as you, Robert, talking to the boy gently, listening to his sorrows like I had.)  

Ok, so, the week.  Monday was my last Egyptian class.  The prof urged me yet again to contact the department head about my program, so on Wednesday, after my last Egyptian art history class, I did.  We'll be meeting next Thursday to discuss it.  But he said "Let's find a way for you to stay."  So.  There.

Tuesday was dedicated to translating Sinuhe.

Yesterday, I had my CELTA interview-exam in Amsterdam.  Terrifying, in short.  I didn't do as well as I had hoped, but all hope is not lost, I think.  I'll find out tomorrow.

I also had an interesting conversation with Robert yesterday that was painful in someways, but very much needed.  It was like shining a light on a shadowy text I couldn't quite make out in the dark.  Perhaps I'll write more on that if I can untangle these things.

Last night Koos and I went to a party at Susanne's place.  Had a really great time, and thought I'd have to fight all the girls in the room for Koos.  Hahaha.

Today's excitement: I keep a pitcher of water on my desk.  This keeps me from drinking excessive amounts of fruit juice, and keeps me hydrated.  However, today, as I was enjoying the sun pouring into my window, this pitcher became a recipe for some very unexpected disaster.  To make a long story short: the sun shining through my water pitcher caught my Sinuhe translation on fire!!  I managed to stop this from becoming a major problem, but my notes now have a nice black hole through them for quite a few pages.  Haha.  

Glad I was there!  And from now on the pitcher will live in a spot of my desk that gets no sunlight.  Ever.  

Life Block

Another day that has somehow escaped me.  I went to bed with the decision that I would finish my Austin application today, and I woke up and...now it's 1am and...well.

I'm unsure of this phenomenon.  It's like writer's block, only it's my life.  There is so much that I need to do, and so much that I want to do, and it seems that something inside of me just shuts down.  It hasn't been a bad day.  I've done some rather productive things.  I watched a lecture by Muhammad Yunus on microlending, I listened to podcasts about Buddhism in the modern world, and about the psychology of websites, and about the standoff between the East and the West, and even one about the Afrikaaner community in Sydney.  And I made a rather nifty sign for my door that says, in Ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs: "Come, companions.  Dancers, come.  Come in peace to me."  Which is definitely awesome.

And yet, so much remains undone.  I struggled for hours to get my Statement of Purpose started for Austin.  This should be easy.  It's an essay on why I am amazing.  I have a lot to say about that, actually.  But somehow, the words just weren't coming.

I finally gave in to this strange stagnation and decided that I must just be burned out.  I nearly killed myself last semester trying to get caught up on Egyptian, and now, I am.  And it's not over.  Nothing is over.  Of course, nothing ever IS over.  But I haven't been giving myself the chance to refresh, relax, reboot.  There has been nothing but work, or guilt over not doing work, or dread of up coming work.  And that can't be what a life is for.

So, finally, I decided to just let go, and deal.  So I did.  Meditated for a while, chatted with my aunt, read the news.  Finally, I went upstairs and watched Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil with Koos.  So now, though tomorrow starts again bright and early, I'm feeling a bit more relaxed.  

Koos and I have been dating for three months, as of today (17th.)

My Name is Mud

I believe that the Universe loves me and wants me to be happy.  I believe that It helps me out by sending me little signals.  I can't say that it really is some Big Universal Divine, or just myself finding what I'm looking for.  And I can't really say there's a difference.  I just don't know.

Either way, I always look for signs, and I always get them.  Recently, these have taken the form of playing cards.  Most people I've mentioned this to say they've never found a playing card on the street in their lives.  I've found five since December (6 of diamonds, Queen of spades, Joker, King of spades, and the 9 of clubs.)

I've been looking up the Tarot equivalent of these cards to figure out what they mean.  And the 9 of clubs comes at the perfect time.  It represents victory over all hardships, the tearing down of all obstacles, the inevitable success despite all appearances of futility.  Awesome.

Listened to a Zencast podcast (I think it was the one on Taking Refuge and if not, it was still nice) and Gil said something about how the lotus rises through muddy murky water and is still able to open with clean petals.  The mud just can't stick.  And I liked that.  Things are obscured now, by the murk, but soon the lotus will emerge, and nothing of the murk will remain.  (Neel responded: "Even the mud sees clearly as mud, why can't you?  Flowering can happen later, but obscuring should vanish now."  Thanks Neel.)

After a nice chat with Helmut, I'm beginning to feel a little more like the mud surrounding me, watching the beautiful flower searching blindly for the sun.  Even the mud sees clearly as mud.

Coraline Dust

Tonight was sort of Neil Gaiman movie night.  Not quite a marathon, but still.  First of all, I saw Coraline with Jan and Koos.  Awesome little movie.  Much closer to the book than I thought it would be.  Read the book and go see it.  :-)  

After a dinner at Eazie, the boys and I met up with Pim at Proost and played 10 rediculous games of pool.  Out of 10 only three were won by the winning team hitting the black ball in.  The rest were won by the losing team (Pim and Jan) hitting the black ball in.  Oh well, we had a lot of fun anyway.

Came home and watched Stardust with Koos.  Another Neil Gaiman novel turned film that was much closer to the book than imagined.  Stardust is a GREAT novel, but it is NOT a children's book.  It's dark, very dark.  Good, but dark.  The movie wasn't that dark, and I was afraid it wouldn't capture the book quite right.  And there was some darkness taken out, and some sex, but I noticed that in the place of certain violence, more (different, more casual) violence was added in, and there was plenty of sex, though quite different from the book sex. Interesting film. 

The ending is TOTALLY different from the book, (though still good) so don't not read the book because you might see the film.  In both cases, the book is WAY better.

In other news: My professor now wants me to stay in the program.  He pulled me aside today and told me I was quite talented and quite bright, said he knew I had just gotten a bad start, but that now I was really getting it, and that it was a pity that I couldn't stay on.  Great.  I'll be e-mailing the head of the department to chat with him.  My professor already has, apparently, which is interesting.  I'll see what they can offer.  I am remembering the joy in all of this...  sigh.

Also, yesterday and today were both perfect weatherwise, and I played with baby ducks, and laid in the sun on Koos' terrace and drank mead.  Thank you.

Korreltjie Sand

Pyltjie geveer en verskeet (Little arrow, feathered and shot,)

Liefde verklein in die niet (Love shrinks into nothing)

Timmerman bou aan 'n kis (Carpenter, build a coffin)

Ek maak my gereed vir die niks (I'm preparing myself for oblivion)

Korreltjie, klein is my woord (Little grain, my word is small)

Korreltjie, niks is my dood (Little grain, my death is nothing)

Korreltjue klein, korreltjie sand (Little grain, little grain of sand)

--Ingrid Jonker (the translation is mine)

I finally have my computer back from the repair shop, so hopefully I'll be able to update much more often.  The past week has been rather full.  Mostly, I've been going to Chris Chameleon concerts, barbecues, and moving.  Again.  

Chris Chameleon is a South African singer who rocks my face off.  He was once with a band called Boo!, but he went solo by taking a bunch of poetry by Ingrid Jonker and putting it to music.  (Korreltjie Sand is one of my favorite songs from this album.)  It is rare that you find someone with a voice like Chris'.  I'm not generally a big fan of live music because, frankly, most people sound much better on CD.  Not Chris.  He's even better live.  He does the craziest stuff with his voice, and it's always on key and beautiful.  Check him out, I highly recommend it.

Koos had a bbq birthday party on Friday, and the whole gang was there.  We cooked, ate, played darts, talked, laughed, ate some more, and drank a surprisingly small amount of alcohol.  Good times.

And yesterday, I moved.  Again.  This is the 6th, and Inshallah, the final apartment that I've had in this country since last June.  But it's really nice.  Most of the apartments in this building are just one big room with a little dividing wall in the middle to give a tiny touch of privacy.  My other room in this building didn't, for some reason, have this little wall.  My roomie was nice, though a bit quiet, but I didn't like sharing just one big room.  So I moved.  And my new roomie is awesome, but even better, she's leaving.  :-P  She's leaving the country on Friday, so by the weekend I'll have my own room again!  What a whirlwind trip through the apartments of Leiden.  The housing people know me by name....

For now, I'm working on Sinuhe, watching the wind blow through the leaves outside my window, and listening to Ek Vir Jou, Chris Chameleon's rather depressing album about relationships.  It follows a relationship from first sight to horrible break up and ends with the beginning of the healing process.  The first half is pretty great, but after the klein klein jakkalsies (lit. the little little foxes; the little things that bother you) start to bother him the CD gets just too depressing.  Though the last song is uplifting again.  :-)

Sal ek noit die genot

Of die gawe wou ontse

Om ooit bemin te word

Of lief te hê nie.

--Chris Chameleon

Serenity

Saturday: Went to the market, and the bank. Mailed in my CELTA application. Koos and I watched Serenity, the movie. It a) freaked me out, b) made me sad, and c) disappointed me. A) because of Reavers. B) I can't say. And C) because the things that made the show so amazing, were almost absent from the movie. The ship's captain, Mal, was always a dark character, but throughout, even in the darkest episodes, even when being tortured, and watching people die, he kept his humor and always had a witty dialougue. In the movie, he just seems to have given in to this inner darkness. (Ok, I'll make the concession that this could be due to the fact that Inara left, and perhaps even that circumstances themselves were getting pretty dang dark.) The great writing of the show seemed to have all but vanished. There were a few, minor, plot holes, but those I can disregard. Mainly, the movie felt like some Hollywood writer who happened to be a fan of Firefly decided to write his own, Hollywood-ized movie version, and then managed to get it produced. In the end, I liked the story itself ok, and accept, more or less, what happened. Still.

Then we watched a few episodes of Avatar so I wouldn't have bad dreams. :-P

Today: The sun was shining, but it was SO windy and therefore so cold, that I didn't really get much of a chance to enjoy it. I sat in the window and translated the Stele of Ichernofret. I have to say I much prefer the stories.

Koos and I went downstairs and fed the ducks. We sat in the grass next to the canal, and held out pieces of bread to the macks, and they came and took it out of our hands! There were 6 ducklings who came right up to us too. I picked one up briefly, just to feel his fuzzy, and tiny wet feet on my hands. Poor boy screamed and screamed, so I let him go. He was just too freaked out. Mama duck didn't seem to mind much, though. That was nice.

Koos and I just grilled using my tiny little grill. And we'll be watching more Avatar here in a bit. There's the same slow panic in my chest that has been chasing me for a while. I'm letting it flow. Things are happening the only way they can: the right way. :-)

Take my love, take my land,
Take me where I cannot stand.
I don't care, I'm still free.
You can't take the sky from me.

Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me.

Um, Why Is It Friday Already?

Whoa, this week just went zooming past. So very strange, because I feel like last weekend was ages ago, and yet I can't quite get my head around the fact that it's already Friday. Again.

So. Updates, yes?

Saturday: Elf Fantasy Fair. Hee hee. Largest Fantasy Fair (Ren Fair) in Europe! Koos, Jan, Alessandra, Cindy and I all went together (only Koos and I dressed up) and wandered the grounds of the BEAUTIFUL castle all day. You have to love Fantasy Fairs, with their array of strange and wonderful people selling and buying strange and wonderful things. A good time was had by all browsing the stands, people/fairy/elf/witch/etc. watching, listening to music, and (mostly) drinking tea and eating biscuits (by which I mean cookies) at the Middle Eastern tea shop. I had a blast, and even had my picture taken a few times! (I was dressed as a belly dancer.) We had quite an adventure getting there and getting back, but we managed. :-)

Sunday: It rained and was generally cold and miserable. Koos went off geocaching (biked 80km too!) For me this was a perfect combination: cold miserable weather, and being alone. I spent the entire day translating and managed to finish the Westcar Papyrus. Whoo!

Monday: Met up with Jennifer for brunch at Bagels and Beans. As usual, we chatted about everything that has to do with life being complicated and amazing in your 20s. I just adore Jen, and wish I could keep her and her family around me for a long time. Ah well, perhaps one day.... Afterwards, I went to de Slegte, the cheap book store here, and picked up a few more books about Muhammad (peace be upon him) and a few about the Buddha. I got to class at 2:30 only to remember that I have class from 1-3 on Mondays, not 3-5. So I was only in class for 30 min, but apparently I had translated more of the papyrus than anyone else, so I read the entire time. And did well, so it was fun! :-)

Tuesday: This day didn't really exist for me. I was sick. All day. I woke up at 10 with a horrible headache, tried to function, but went back to bed at noon. Woke up at 2, with the same headache, and decided to just give up. So I got some sinus meds from Koos, and crashed until about 6pm. During the few hours of being awake, I read American Gods. So much for Tuesday.

Wednesday: Mostly on this day I read various things. American Gods, my Muhammad (peace be upon him) book, my Buddha book. Good times in the sun. :-)

Thursday: Queen's Day. The biggest Dutch national holiday. Sadly and tragically brought to a rather disappointing end when a desperate man who had just lost his job and his home drove his car into the crowds watching the royal family. He had been aiming at the bus carrying the royals, but his car was so damaged by plowing through the barricades, that he couldn't see. Six people and the driver were killed.

I didn't really get a chance to see much of Queen's Day anyway, though. I had to be near a computer to chat with my mom about an urgent financial problem (though turns out she was sick and never made it to the computer) so I sat outside in the sun and read American Gods. I can't really complain, because it was a pretty great time, but I would have liked to see the open markets and the orange and the drunk people. Oh well.

Around 4pm, when I realized mom wasn't coming online, I went to Oestgeest to watch Koos play cricket. It turned out to be quite an amazing evening. The games lasted until almost 7pm, and then there was a barbeque at the club house. I met some amazingly intersting people. Liz (England) and her husband, Joost (Holland), Candace (South Africa) and her son, a couple of other South Africans, a whole family of awesome Dutch folks. It was something of a family event, so there were people from 5 to 50 there. I think it was much better way of spending sucha holiday than getting drunk in the streets of Amsterdam!

Friday (today): Today was another nice sunny day, so Koos and I went for a walk. We had planned to go to the lake nearby, but got distracted by the baby loons and their parents. It was an ideal little spot too. A tiny bridge, pink flowers floating on the canal under us, sunlight in our faces, and tiny, uuuuugleeee little pitiful baby birds squeaking and getting fed by their parents. Awesome.

I also emailed UT Austin about their dual language Germanic Studies masters program. It sounds SO cool: comparing German and Dutch linguistics, literature, culture, whatever I want! The deadline was in January, but Jen told me that she got in to her grad program by applying late (deadline in Sept. she applied in April and still got in!) so I mailed them. Within the hour they responded that my background sounded interesting and that they would be happy to assess my application for the Fall semester!! Whoo hoo!! Not sure yet how long the program might last, but this is still great news.

Went to Game Night and worked on my CELTA application while everyone played. Good times, good times. I shall mail it in tomorrow!

Dear Universe,

Thank you for everything you have bestowed upon me. I'm the luckiest girl in you. I'm putting you in charge of tying up all these little loose ends in my life, and I have faith that the outcome will be something pretty amazing! May all beings find peace and happiness. May all beings be free from illusions and suffering. May all beings be as blessed as I have been. :-)