Soy de afuera.

"She left one man, then another, then traveled with the first.  She lost one child to 'history', one to 'complications.'  She is afraid of the dark, afraid not to dream.  And though she cannot help getting hurt, she is still reaching out for one dream that will never betray her."

This post might be introspective.   Just thought I should warn you.  I blame it on the book I read today.  The quote above comes from the back.  It's called "A Book of Common Prayers" and it about a woman who never really gets a grip on her life.  The topic is not exactly why I'm in such an introspective mood (though I'd be blind if I didn't recognize myself in the main character to some extent.)  The book was just written in that vague poetry that always sort of turns my mind inside out and spinning. 

(I had hoped to write something myself about how much of my life is spent chasing sunlight, or maybe about how small European towns multiply in my mind until my life is just lots of narrow cobbled streets and orange roofs in the afternoon sun.)

I spent the first bit of today in bed.  Awake, just staring at the ceiling.  It was my first full day alone, so I cleared my mind, and welcomed myself to my new place.  And was really lazy.  When I finally got out of bed I went shopping for groceries and for a lock or two for Roxanna.  Sundays around here are amazing.  In Germany everything is closed, but here everyone is out on the street.  It makes more sense, of course, to have all the shops open on the day that people are actually free to shop.  The shops are all closed Monday morning.  They get their break.  

I found a bunch of locks but didn't buy one since I was only comparison shopping.  Wanted to get an idea of what a good lock will cost.  Apparently they range from €3 to €75.  Which just simply isn't helpful.  I suppose I'll shoot for around €15.  No use buying a lock that costs more than the bike!

I then proceeded to make a shockingly awesome meal.  I don't consider myself very anything in the kitchen (except in the way) and while Robert was here I made the poor man cook everything.  But today I whipped up a rockin little Rendang Veggie with chickpeas, green beans, potatoes, onions, garlic and some Rendang sauce (complete with coconut milk, yum!)  It was really rather tasty too!  I was shocked that I had made something that didn't look like a peanut butter sandwich (or spaghetti.)  Confidence boost achieved.

I then spent the rest of the day sitting on the hill by the fort reading by vaguely depressing book.  It wasn't really depressing at all, just confusing.  But the sun felt wonderful, and the wind wasn't so bad, and I really realized what an awesome city I live in.  And get to live in for a while.  I just don't know if I'm going to leave Europe this time.