The Virtues of the Blank State

This is an excellent time to celebrate the pleasures of emptiness . . . to extol the virtues of the blank slate . . . to be open to endless possibilities but committed to none . . . to bask in the freedom of not having to be anything, anyone, or anywhere. Are you smart enough to need no motto to live by? Are you resourceful enough to rely on nothing but the raw truth of the present moment? If so, you will thrive in the coming days.

Koos has been gone for two weeks today. Sort of hard to imagine. Time seems to have gotten a bit tangled up when he left. I would almost swear it had been months, years! But I feel like he'll walk in any minute as if he never left. Fortunately, the little time swirl means that I don't spend much time pining. He feels just as close as ever. Thank All That Might Be Considered Remotely Good for the internet! :-p

What I have spent my time doing is making a decision and sticking with it. I ducked out of the blogging world because I was faced, once again, with the decision of whether to go home, or to stick out the masters here in Holland. It was a fierce battle. One day I was 100% for leaving, the next it was 100% for staying. And those were the good times! Often it would change from one minute to the next! Confusion and chaos! :-) So, I decided not to think about it, to relax and just let the answer come. And it did. I shall stay.

Or rather, I shall move to Cairo in October. :-P

I think my horoscope for the week fits my current mood very well. When Koos left, my "normal life" got shaken up a bit. And not only did he leave, but my classes started again. This time I feel so much more prepared than I did last year. (Although, after looking back to my entry from 22.Sept.08, it turns out, I'm wearing the same shirt...!)

However, no new sort of "normal" has yet settled in to replace the old. My class schedule has been erratic, and it will stay that way. I leave for Cairo in less than a month (!!) and there's just no time for anything like a routine to impose itself on me. Every Thursday I meet Jennifer for coffee at 3pm, and we chat until 5pm. Every Friday I have Epigraphy class at 9am until 11am. And that's what I have for a schedule these days! This is good, and this is terrifying. I have PLENTY of work to do, it's not about having too much or even too little time. I simply have to take each day as it comes.

This does not happen often in our lives!! How many people can really say they've only got 4 hours of their week planned before it begins? Think about it! Even if you don't have class one week, you still have work, or sports, or hobbies, something scheduled. Even if one thing gets shifted, you still have other things that are set! It's an amazing feeling, freeing and confining at the same time!

Though, I suppose if I'm honest, I've been living like this for quite a while now. Like over the summer. I very rarely had anything I HAD to do at any given time. However, I always felt that I should be studying, working, thinking, for, on, about, my Egyptian exams. Nearly drove me crazy, so I don't think I'll approach the emptiness in the same way again. I got the work done, though, and done even better than I had thought, so I suppose in the end it was worth it.

I also learned to stop feeling guilty for taking time to relax. And that was certainly worth it!