Bike Paths

Today the walls of my room began to close in on me.  It was beautiful outside.  I too was beautiful, but sadly inside.  Something had to change!  :-D

So I jumped on my bike and started pedaling.  I had no plan aside from being outside at first.  And then I was hit with the desire to go to the beach.  Katwijk.  According to Keith, it's only about 30 min from here by bike.  So I set off, with a vague memory of Robert's GPS as my guide.

Apparently, I went the wrong way.  Well, not so much the incorrect way, as the longest possible way.  I mean, actually I went in the exact opposite way, and then went around in the longest way possible.  It would have gotten me there eventually, I suppose.  :-D

I never actually made it to the beach, but I had a great time biking around.  I suppose all in all I biked about 6 miles (10km) today!  I then came home and did some yoga. Go go athletic Amy!  

My ride was amazing though.  This country is just so beautiful.  I passed a field filled with cows, horses, and chickens, a huge canal reflecting the sky back at itself.  Huge and green and gorgeous land.  

I want to imprint this country on my heart.  I feel it's important because it is just so unlike its current landscape.  When I think of beautiful lands, my heart brings forth palm trees and shining blue water.  And sometimes the deep orange glow of the desert.  This place just seems so calm, so serene.  I understand now why Dutch painters are so famous.  There is something special about this land that I know I take with me when I go.

I Will Sail My Vessel, 'Til the River Runs Dry

"You can dream a little dream or you can live a little dream.  I'd rather live it! Cause dreamers always chase and never get it."  

"Look, I've never had a dream in my life, because a dream is what you wanna do, but still haven't pursued.  I knew what I wanted and did it 'til it was done.  So I've been the dream that I wanted to be since day one!"  --No Regrets, by Aesop Rock

No one ever tells you what to do once you've caught up with your dreams.  I've always been the dream I wanted to be.  I too, knew what I wanted and did it till it was done.  And now it's done.  

Ah, but dreams do change.  Maybe I'm thinking about it all wrong.  What do I mean by my dream?  Something has ended, something is over, but was it really the dream?  I no longer want, or need to focus on the past.  But is that the end of the dream?  Was that ever the dream to begin with?

"You know a dream is like a river, ever changing as it flows.  And a dreamer's just a vessel that must follow where it goes. Trying to learn from what's behind you and never knowing what's in store makes each day a constant battle just to stay between the shores."  --The River, by Garth Brooks

My thoughts are changing even as I write!  What do I mean by dream?  Maybe the details need to be reformed, reorganized, restated.

My dream is to be a happy, healthy, helpful person.  I want to do something useful with my life, something that will benefit others.  I dream of seeing faraway places, and being at home wherever I go.  I want to see the beauty in everything, and bring in as much extra beauty as I can muster.  I look forward to a world where people have at least what's necessary to survive, and understand that we're all connected.

"And I will sail my vessel, 'til the river runs dry.  Like a bird upon the wind, these waters are my sky.  I'll never reach my destination if I never try.  So I will sail my vessel, 'til the river runs dry."

Linguistics

I am good at languages.  It's a talent I possess, a natural ability that I've always had.  Words and grammatical structures just fall naturally, easily into place in my mind.  I often say things not because I actively know the grammar is correct, but because I just feel they're right.  I'm particularly good at accents.  Many Germans tell me I sound German, and I even had a man in Italy assume I was from his hometown after speaking to him!  I don't even speak Italian!  I can succeed at languages without trying.  After one semester of Arabic, I jumped into a class where everyone had taken at least 3 years of Arabic!  And though of course I couldn't speak as well as they could, I was able to read and understand the teacher just as well, and sometimes even better!  And I never did the work!

What an opportunity I passed up!  Had I put forth any effort, I could have been amazing with Arabic!  There were just other things that I thought were somehow more important.  Not anymore.  I've decided to focus all of my God-given ability with language on actually learning, and not just absorbing.  I've gotten lazy, and it's starting to work against me.  

I've forgotten much of my German.  Vocabulary is just gone, and I find myself struggling with simple sentences and constructs.  It is like a small part of me has somehow been diminished.  I have always spoken German, and I've always been good at it.  But I let it slide.  This has been very frustrating to me, but I'm letting that go.  I have always had so much pride wrapped up in my German (because I was always the best in my class, always quite the oddity: an American who could speak perfect German.)  But the time for pride is gone.  It's just getting in my way now.  I'm letting it go.  I'll make mistakes, and that's ok, because I'll learn from them.  I am surrounded by wonderful Germans who don't judge me for my mistakes.  What is there to hold me back?!

I am also going to dedicate myself to learning Spanish.  I've been meaning to all my life.  For me it is a matter of culture.  I grew up in a region that has a lot of Mexican immigrants.  There are entire streets in my hometown where all of the signs are written in Spanish.  I heard Spanish nearly every day while growing up, in the stores, at school, on tv.  It's so much a part of my life, and though I can understand bits and pieces, I can't speak very much.  

I want to use my powers for good!  I'd like to look into programs to help immigrants learn the native language of their new home.  I don't just want to help Mexicans learn English.  I'd like to maybe help Americans learn German, or Spanish. And I can teach English all over the world!  I've given some thought to being an interpreter, maybe at a hospital.  I don't know.

I consider this my first major step in learning how to fly on my own. (see post entitled Against the Wind)  I'm feeling somewhat trapped in my current choice of masters.  Ancient history has served its purpose for me, or so I feel.  But it's too late now to change course.  So I intend to make the best of this time.  I'm going to focus on ancient linguistics, so I can focus on modern linguistics later.  I'm also going to try to take Spanish here.  

It sounds like a lot.  It is a lot.  I'll be learning Dutch, Spanish, ancient Egyptian, and Coptic all at the same time. But I'm willing.

Stopping the Spread of the Poison

Another intense dream last night.  I dreamt that I fell asleep, and when I woke up I was covered in reptiles.  There were chameleons in my sleeves, and lots of tiny lizards and snakes everywhere.  I laughed, because I knew they wouldn't hurt me, and they were cute.  So I gently set them all on the ground, so I could carefully stand up without hurting any of them.  However, I didn't notice that there was a viper under my left foot, and I stepped on him, crushing him.  His fangs dug deep into my foot, and I could feel the burning of the poison.  I couldn't get him out of my foot, so I stumbled outside and called an ambulance.  I sat down in the grass and waited, afraid they wouldn't come on time, all the while feeling the fiery poison climbing my legs.  Just when I thought I would die, the ambulance arrived.  A woman took my foot in her hands and very gently removed the dead viper.  I woke up, my foot still burning from the poison.

Phew.  Please, have some symbolism.  I'm not entirely sure what the dream means, but I imagine there must be something that is bothering me, something I didn't see coming.  If I'm not careful, it'll kill me, but I feel helpless to handle the situation myself.  I need help.  And, fortunately, I'm getting it!  :-)  Again, I woke up feeling good, so this must be a cleansing dream.

Today Susanne, Melanie, and I went to the library to look around.  Susanne checked out a bunch of children's books, and a few Dutch movies.  We're going to have a movie night on Thursday!  :-)  There's one I'm particularly interested in seeing.  I don't remember the name, but the premise is basically about changing the way we see the world.  Not our world view, our literal, visual way of seeing the world.  Leuk!  I'll post more about it when I've seen it!

After a quick shopping session (tomato-pesto goat cheese fondue for dinner tonight!) I laid a blanket in the sun and finished up The Audacity of Hope.  And that, if nothing else, is what I took from this book:  hope.

"And perhaps the world's fate depends not just on the events of its battlefields; perhaps it depends just as much on the work we do in those quiet places that require a helping hand." (Obama, 2006, 322) 

It doesn't matter if I can't understand the complexities of world economics well enough to save the world's poor; it doesn't matter if I can't memorize every precedent to every law.  The "quiet places" may just be the ones for me!  :-D

After finishing the book I just laid in the sun and stared up at the dancing leaves of a tree.  I tried to let the sound of the wind wash over me like water.  I've been in a state of panic since moving to the Netherlands.  Panic over where to live, and how to become legal; panic over relationships, the old and the new (and especially the old made new) panic over the past and the ever uncertain future.  Today I tried to just sink into it all.  I stared at the leaves and tried to live in the present.  I managed a few moments of silence, and an unclenching of fists.  Stopping the spread of the poison.  The leaves all seemed to wave at me.

Lolpod:  A boy on the street cut a slot out of his hat for his mohawk! 

Lolpod-mania

I bought an umbrella today.  Also an emergency poncho.  I've become too used to the beautiful weather, and I'm afraid another rainy morning would have sent me straight back to bed.  :-)

Today has been filled with Lolpods.  So, I'm just going to post them. :-)

First of all, I passed a very large man on the street.  Not fat, just big.  A muscle-y, dude-ly, macho type.  He was holding a teeeeny tiiiiny black puppy.  And, to top it off, they were both making the exact same, I'm-too-cool-for-you face!  :-D

Standing by the canal I watched a boat filled with happy people laughing and talking and drinking wine.  On the back was another teeeeeny tiiiiiiny puppy, a chiuaua, who was observing the world like a king surveying his domain.  I was just so shocked to see the dog, because he was so small, he was almost invisible at first, I just had to laugh out loud!

Later on I climbed the Burcht again (my favorite reading spot) to do my work and read more in my book.  As I sat there reading, I noticed a boy, maybe 10 years old, slowly coming up the path.  The paths that lead to the Burcht are spiraled, and there's another path that circles the building.  I was sitting on the circular path, and the boy was making his way up the spiral path.  Suddenly, I realized the boy was on a freakin unicycle!  I watched him cycle up to the circular path, and watched him cycle right by me.  I thought "That was certainly strange."  I go back to my book.  And his sister uni-cycles past....  The two of them continue to lap me on their unicycles as I read.  Surreal.

My favorite lolpod was the flower guy.  I was walking past a flower market, and admiring the flowers.  They were gorgeous today.  Particularly.  All of the roses were this gorgeous dusky orange, or this vivid shining pink, and there were sunflowers everywhere. Gorgeous.  So, I'm walking along, checking out the flowers, not paying attention, when all of a sudden there's a completely random man in front of me yelling at me in Dutch.  "Aren't the flowers beautiful?  Just look at how beautiful they are today, miss! Such beauty!"  He wasn't trying to sell them to me, he was just a passer-by!  I quickly mumbled my "Ja, heel mooi" (yes, very beautiful) and smiled at the man, and laughed as I continued on my way.

Crazy Dreams and Ocean Water

I had this intensely awesome dream last night.  I was a member of the crew of Serenity and we were on a planet that had been ravaged by something strange.  It was unclear in the dream if it was humans, something similar to humans, or something completely unlike humans.  The more I think about it, I guess it was probably the Reavers, the horrifying and brutal sort-of humans from the show. We were on a planet looking for survivors.  Zoe and I are on a four wheeler, leading the group up a dusty hill, when suddenly a whole group of survivors comes bursting from the trees, also on four wheelers.  They're screaming and running and we can tell the Reavers are just behind them.  We turn around and follow them for a while, but for some reason I make a left turn.  We enter into a ravine that turns out to be lined with Reavers.  A trap!  Fortunately, we all have guns, and we break through.  At the end of the ravine is a house.  We go inside to find a bunch of people lying dead in their beds.  There are also a lot of children.  I walk into a dark room and turn on the light.  A little girl opens her eyes and gets out of bed.  I'm amazed to see her alive.  As I take her to the others I pass another room with 5 children, also alive.  When Zoe sees the girl she gets very sad.  She tells me that the children have all been exposed to something horrible, maybe a deadly virus, and that they will all die a horrible death.  She says the only way to help them is to shoot them all.  I don't want to.  I beg her to find a way to help them, but she says there is no other way.  I don't want the children to know, so I ask Zoe if I should "just give them the medicine" and she nods.  I walk back into the room with the children, and shoot them all.  There is no blood, no screaming.  One by one they simply disappear.

I actually woke up feeling pretty good about this dream, so I don't think it is to be taken literally.  I think these children represent some aspect of myself or my environment that I know I must get rid of, but am hesitant to.  I know now that action is the best!  

The dream was certainly the most exciting bit of my day.  I mostly sat around and read, and wrote various mini-baby-essays on things like "Should Dialects be Taught in Schools" in Dutch.  I also read more of my book.  

Then Vanessa and I went to the beach to play.  We were looking for some sort of Corona sponsored Wake Boarding Extravaganza, but it apparently doesn't exist.  The internet can lie, too.  Didn't matter, we had a great time.  Also the BEST DINNER EVER of goat cheese, pesto and tomato sauce and bread.  I could probably eat that every night!  Sigh, so tasty.

I am thrilled to live so close to the ocean.  There is just something so cleansing about the smell of salt.  My soul must be mostly made of water, because the feel of the waves and the roll of the sea just bring about calmness.  Any water has that effect on me, but the ocean magnifies it.  There's just nothing quite like warm sand and sunlight on water to soothe and enliven my soul.

Lolpod:  I was walking behind a beautiful woman along the boardwalk.  Long black hair, tiny waist, full round hips, creamy caramel skin.  A man walking in the opposite direction almost ran over 4 or 5 people because he could not stop staring at this woman.  He walked with his head turned, never slowing down, until she was lost in the crowd.

I'm Sorry

There's one sad truth in life I've found
While journeying east and west -
The only folks we really wound
Are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know,
We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow
To those who love us best.
~Ella Wheeler Wilcox