Changes in 2009

The Holidays are over.  The New Year has begun.  I'm still jet lagged from my trip.  Extremely jet lagged.  I arrived in Leiden on Friday, and by 4pm I was asleep.  I woke up again at 11am Saturday.  Last night was even worse.  I went to bed at midnight, and I woke up at 8pm.  Pm.  Eight at night.  I slept 22 hours, and I'm feeling a bit strange.  I think I'm getting sick.

The New Year has begun, and everything is changing.  I'm very seriously considering leaving the Netherlands.  This semester has been one of my worst ever, if not the worst.  I've worked harder than ever, and I have not done well.  I've tried and tried to love this place, and I have failed.  I have been trying to decide how much harder I should fight, and I've almost decided it's time for a little retreat.  To get ahead.

I'm still not entirely sure what my plan is.  If I do leave Leiden, it will be by the end of this month.  I will go home and I'll work (and play) and find another program for myself.  Somewhere.

I might go back to Berlin for Egyptology.  I might go to Austin, Texas for Egyptology.  I might go to Berkley, California for German.  I might go anywhere else in the world for just about anything else.  Egyptology, German, Journalism.  The answers will come.

The traveler in me is holding on furiously to Europe.  Part of me believes that the center of the world is here, and that anywhere else is just on the edge.   But the traveler in me says "Wait."  Since being here in Leiden I've been tied to my room, tied to the library, tied to the classroom.  I've been working too hard.  I'm not afraid of working hard, but I'm human, and I need time to myself, to relax.  I haven't had that here.  The time has come for something else.

I'm sad about the decision.  I hate giving up, even if it's the best for me.  I hate to leave my friends here.  They're all that has kept me together through this crazy time.  If it hadn't been for my friends, I would have run screaming from this place a long time ago.  The weather alone has been enough to send me reeling.  But, I have to do what's best.  So, I'm moving on.  Somewhere else.  But I don't know where I'm bound.